TIME for a change

[Broken74]

Thanks Denver, you're right man... I've had a very rough week and had a significant backslide. She really hadn't used the word "divorce" over the months, and the fact that she shot down getting together with SS and then following up with her statements sent me in a tailspin. At least I haven't contacted her to discuss anything further, she called me last night but didn't leave a message so I don't know what she wanted.

After thinking the past couple of days and reading about forgiveness, the only way I am going to get past this is to let it all go. Part of the problem is that I had optimism that things were going to work out in the end. The more I logically think about it and remove emotion from the equation, the more I see that I will better off going our separate ways. You're right on the root cause too. Nobody put a gun to my head to marry this woman. I knew it was going to be challenging taking on the responsibility of 3 kids. I didn't handle it well and hence everything broke down. I'm trying to frame it like a business decision gone bad or a bad investment. I took a financial hit based on bad decision making, it [censored] but life will go on.

I was very angry, I am ok now, and I know I am going to be great in the future. My next move is to figure out my living arrangements for the new year. One of my buddies took me in as a roommate since around the holidays it looked like things make a positive turn so I didn't want to set something up permanent. I'm looking forward to getting my own place and rebuilding, I have a knack for setting up a nice bachelor pad. My house is rented until March of next year, hopefully I'll be able to sell it soon thereafter...

As you said a lot of my backslide had to do with my pride and ego as well. I agree her current decisions and actions have nothing to do with me. Only she knows her true motivation for leaving me and that's no longer my concern since what's done is done.

My bad decision making is the root cause of all of this. Marrying her was a mistake, trying to get her back by putting her in her dream car was a mistake. I really did have to sign the separation agreement for fear of further legal problems, but again it was my stupid decision to contact her in the face of a legal order that put me in that position.

I have fully owned up to my shortcomings in the marriage and their effect on getting me here. You've helped me own up to my problematic decision making, something I certainly need to work on. I married her in the face of concerns about doing so from my family and friends who care about me, that was also a bad decision. I'm not going to lead with my heart anymore, if I had led with my brain instead I also would not be here. The bottom line really is that I made my bed, and now I'm laying in it.

It is time for me to start blazing a new path, and I'm looking forward to it. I'm working on acceptance and forgiveness and living in the moment for now. Weekend trip with some friends, golf home next weekend the a Pinehurst trip the week after followed by a week of vacation. I count my blessings everyday, this sitch has been my Achilles heel for the last year and I am ready to let it go.

Thanks again for the kick in pants Denver, I needed it after my blathering from earlier this week... 25 if you see this I am calmed down now you know I have the tendency to get a bit flustered :-)

Time for a new lease on life with a new outlook and a new thread. Everyone have a good weekend and good luck in your respective sitch's!