I just wanted to say something. As you know I have been in my sitch for almost two years now. By the time I found DB I had gone through a bulk of the emotions, anger, desperation, bad coping habits, yelling, screaming, insulting, facebook stalking, ultimatums initiating R talks, trying too hard, trying to make him see my point of view, saw everything he did as against ME personally, clinging to false hope, etc.
If I had found DB earlier? Who knows. Maybe there would be more hope for my M. But after DB and seeing so much and accepting so much of my role and also slowly turning the passive aggressiveness into released compassion, it has only been since then did I start to feel better. Acting as if is hard, but at the end of the day, I can sleep better.
galing can be challenging ( and I still don't do enough of it), but it makes a difference in how we perceive our days...how we approach our days.
None of the other stuff pre-db, ever made me feel better. In fact it deteriorated my self- esteem, confidence and I really felt like a failure. None of the other stuff ever made me feel like I had some control over what seemed like a life that was spiralling out of control.
I am still a newbie, and I know I still have a lot to learn, but its coming back. The self-esteem, the confidence. And more importantly the ability to take back some control of my own emotions and reactions. I keep thinking" how will I feel if I handle it like this or that...and more importantly, how do i want to hold myself, not just for my R with H, but with my family, friends, children, etc"
I realised I do have choice. I have choice in me.
By no means do I want this sitch, by no means do want to have a broken family, but with DB, I have been given the ability to choose how I deal with what has been given to me. I don't know why I was given this sitch, but its not for me to question ( I used to fall to my knees in desperation asking God why).
The reality is what it is. DB helps us cross the street in the safest way possible without getting hit.
I made a conscious decision to accept DB because for me it offers me the best solutions to become the best I can be regardless of my M.
I know you can do this. I know you can get there. I am not saying I am there yet, but I do feels closer and closer because of you all, these boards, my coach and this programme.
I dont know what's going to happen next, but I know that I have to continue focusing on me. It's my choice now. My journey.
I don't know if that means anything but I just want to encourage you to keep going. It does happen
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
