Need help with detaching and hoping to reconcile.

[lillystillinlove]

Well that was not good, really not a good day over all. I seem to continue to hurt him, not even knowing that I've done it. I reminded myself to remember what he's going through and breathe. I tried "No Excuses" but I think one or two got in. I'm soooo confused, he fully admits that any decision I made or make would, in some way, be incorrect causing him to get angry, thereby justifying the way he's acting (my opinion). Our MC T got a huge dose of irrational reasoning from H today. H absolutely refused to think rationally about an event that angered him today. Nothing would budge him from his position. If asked, I would elaborate on the situation from my perspective when, but I tried not to make excuses. The overall problem we discussed boiled down to H feeling as though I am purposely undermining he relationship with our son by not giving him information or encroaching on his plans. I see how he could feel that way and for the first offence I apologize but didn't own the perceived the wrong doing. The second one of the day, I don't know how things went so crazy. He took my concern about pick up of S, (I was trying to cover all the bases) and then flew off the handle.

He also feels persecuted (my word but you get the idea) by our MC, he stopped seeing his IC for me, I had expressed concern that his C was pushing him toward S or even D. My concern was based on information he provided. I didn't want him to stop IC. I suspect it was an excuse to stop, I think this is all too much emotion for him right now.

I'm at a loss on how to proceed. I don't know how to not elicit anger in him, every decision is some degree of wrong. I feel paralyzed.

Is this type of behavior common? Has anyone experienced this?

I mentioned he's here tonight but moves tomorrow and the weekend but in stealth mode... ummmm this just occurred to me, H and S share a very close bond. These perceived offences are around our S. He's moving out tomorrow. Could the two be related? Maybe he feels as though he's abandoning him and he sees what happened today and a few weeks ago as me trying to hurt his relationship with our S? And the lights turn on, wow. Well, now what. How do I ensure he know that I am not and would not do such a thing. I'll probably screw up but I would never purposely set out to hurt his relationship with S. Any opinions??

On a side not I'm 2/3 through "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking about it" Thanks for the recommendation, it is very enlightening, I've been trying to look at our situation in the light this book shines. Very enlightening, I was amazed at how so much can related to those feelings, it seems so simple. This information will definitely help me with compassion and no excuses. Off to continue reading.