Last night when he came home, he said, "About this weekend.." and I jumped in and said, "I've been thinking and even though I want to meet the baby, you being uncomfortable with me making that trip is more important than me actually getting to meet her. So if you want to go, then go, and I will stay home." He then said, "Well, I was going to say we can all go together, but just so you know that going to a family gathering is not misleading you." Basically, he said I can go, but it doesn't mean his feelings about me have changed.
What is it I'm supposed to remember??? Believe none of what they say and half of what they do? Once again, I can NOT let my hopes get up, but I am pleased he is letting me see his family. He also said that on Friday night, it will be the first night that his sister has a chance to go out since having the baby, and he said, "I would appreciate it if it could just be me and my sisters." I will be at home with our kids, my 14 y.o. niece (who is babysitting the baby) and probably his mother.
I thought that sounded like a great idea. Yes, please do go out and talk this out without me. Yes, please let me spend time alone with your nieces and your mother. It's the only way I can continue to demonstrate my changes. I have no intentions of "rallying in the troops" and being manipulative. I honestly want to spend this time.
The other thing that happened even before he came home was that I exchanged a few emails with his other sister (the 14 year old's mother). I basically apologized to her for my past behaviors toward her, that i should have been more sensitive to her situation, and told her my heart was breaking and that it makes me very sad to think I would be losing all of his family in this. She responded saying my apology was accepted, that her job is to provide an unbiased ear and support her brother, but that I will never lose her and that she loves me.
When I told him I apologized to her, he looked absolutely shocked. And then thanked me for doing so.
I have never been so vulnerable and open in my life and it's pretty liberating.
M:39 H:39 S/15, S/11 (both adopted in 2004, my step-nephews, now our kids) M10, T13 Multiple bombs. Latest one 5/4/12, our 10th anniversary. Still living together and sharing a bed up until 7/18/12.
