Thanks for the update! I'm so glad to hear you are doing well.
Although the circumstances of your h's and my h's (former) affair are different, there are some similarities, especially with what is going on with your situation now. My h's affair continued off and on for a few years. As I've explained to you before, he put me through hell and back during those years. It was only when I truly let him go, made him leave our home and accepted that the marriage was over AND he had to live life away from me and a few nights each week away from the kids (therefore losing that "family" time) that he was able to fully grasp what he was throwing away. During that time that he was out of the house, I really focused on making me a better and happier person. I took my focus away from him entirely, and my only relationship goal was simply to have a healthy co-parenting relationship with him. Otherwise, I didn't really care to talk to or think about him. As much as separation stinks at first and is hard for the kids, it really helped me with detaching. And trust me, he noticed (not that I cared) that I was changing and HAPPY for the first time in years. AND it was without him in my life.
I think your counselor is pretty spot on about the 3 months, although it may be shorter or longer. I think at first the WAS enjoys their new freedom, but it does get old and lonely after awhile. Like you, I was starting to enjoy MY freedom and the relief from no longer desperately trying to hold on to something that was no longer there, and he was becoming more and more miserable. I wasn't sure if I wanted my h back either, but at the end of the day, I knew in my heart I wasn't completely done. I, too, felt I owed it to my children to at least give things another try, but with some pretty strict rules and boundaries in place. I am beyond thrilled that things between us are going strong for 9-10 months now, but I also know that had our reconciliation not worked, I'd be thriving as well.
Yes, if there is a question of possible reconciliation on down the road for you and your h, there will need to be some strict boundaries established and enforced by you, including NC of any kind with ow and complete transparency. I also think he would need to change jobs in order to fully honor that. However, you can cross that bridge when or if you get there.
In the meantime, enjoy yourself. You are doing great, and I am so happy you are happy. Take care, and update when you can.
hugs, ncl
PS...for what it's worth, for some reason I just feel that your h's relationship with ow is going to fizzle out. I'm not trying to give you false hope nor am I trying to tell you to wait on him. If it does eventually end for whatever reason(s), I hope for his sake that you are still around. He is losing so very much in a wife and mother to his kids in you.
