Well it seems that you experienced a touch and go. Just for a day and it is typical for an MLC'er to reel you in just to make sure that you didn't move from the spot that they left you in.
Originally Posted By: Flabbergasted
At least I recover much faster when I backslide but boy was that a bad 24 hours.
This is a good thing. As you continue to experience these you will learn from them. Touch and go's are not bad and they teach the LBS many things that you will need later in this journey.
A couple of posts ago you had a comment about HOPE.
Just let me say that HOPE is all in YOUR control. There is no HOPE only when YOU decide.
The LBS has a lot more control than most of us realize. The MLC'er does not know this or understand. But we are really the ones in control. We just don't know it.
We have to let go of the physical control of the MLC'er, and then the rest will find its natural order.
We CONTROL ourselves and that is the most important thing.
Flabbergasted, I just wanted to tell you how much you have touched me. I've read so many people's sitches and yours has been the most helpful to me in understanding what happened to my partner who left me less than three months ago (and now plans to marry a woman he met on the internet a few days later).
My partner said the same scary things to me: he felt numb, emotionless, and even asked if he was a sociopath. MLC is like a mental illness - one that men seem to act on most of all. If droves of women were leaving their families, you can bet it would be recognized by mental health professionals as a problem. Instead, after expressing these feelings of emptiness and worthlessness, my partner began seeing a therapist who encouraged him to 'pursue his own happiness for a change.'
It seems we both had partners/husbands who were loving and attentive almost up until the day they dropped the bomb. Like you, the hardest thing for me was my partner's sudden complete lack of concern for me after nearly twenty years of receiving frequent phone calls, check-ins, and "I love yous" several times a day. I want to express my anger over this abandonment, but I can't because I'm still DBing and not doing anything to push him further away - maybe in pure futility, and probably letting him off the hook while I'm eaten away inside.
I wanted to say that although the most recent interaction with your husband left you reeling and ready to throw in the towel, if you still want to stand for your marriage, I think the interaction could been seen as a baby step forward. I dream to get even as much acknowledgment as you got, and to me, it seems like your H poked his head out of the MLC tunnel for a brief moment, and only half-way, but then immediately retreated back in.
All could not be lost for him.
Me: 35 Him: 43 Together: 19 1/2 years 1st Bomb (IDLYAM): March 2011 2nd Bomb (OW): April 2011 He abandons home/bills/everything: May 2011 He's bought a new house for OW: September 2011
So, I haven’t posted in a while. Here’s my update.
I’m divorced. H’s $500 divorce apparently got done on the attorney’s “spare” time so it sat for a bit and then the paperwork was prepared and sent to me. He gave me everything I wanted. I was WAY too nice. He asked when I was coming in to sign and I said I had an appt. with my attorney to review. He said can’t you just e-mail it to her to look it over and I replied, Please allow me the courtesy of meeting with my attorney. I had 60 days but looked it over within two.
I signed the D papers on 7/6. It was final on 7/15. I was in CA for business and the papers from the court were there when I returned on the 20th.
I went to my friend’s cabin for the weekend. She sat me down and told me that xH was engaged. He proposed 7/7 – the day after I signed the D papers. It was running rampant through his work and a friend of mine that works with him called my friend. They wanted to make sure I didn’t hear it somewhere else and was with someone that cared about me when I heard. My friend called xH to confirm. He told her it’s “not what it looks like” she said I don’t want to hear it…it’s a yes or no question…are you engaged. He confirmed.
I haven’t heard from him other than a text to tell me that the Quit Claim documents were in the mail. I texted back “K”. I no longer give him full words. 
I’m doing okay. Most people that know me can’t believe how well I’m taking it. I have everyone here to thank for it. I’ve read so much and seen so many situations. I KNOW he’s bat$hit crazy. There is no rational way to explain his behavior…he’s running from life and medicating with OW.
It hurts that EVERYTHING we worked for…being empty nesters, the house we bought 8/11, my life…he’s just handed over to her. I hope she likes the house I chose.
The rose colored glasses are off. I love him. I don’t respect or like him. He’s a narcissistic a$$hole. I’ve thought over everything he told me post bomb through May. He told me she’s a movie star beauty. He told me I’m “the most wonderful person on the inside he’ll probably ever meet” that “no one will probably ever love him just for him the way I did” that “we were a team and he’ll probably never have that again” that “he doesn’t want the white picket fence” but he pushed me out of it and is giving it all to her. He told me I’m “security, stability and comfort but that’s not enough for him”. I hope he can be happy because he threw a lot away for a young piece of a$$. I’m beautiful, smart and a genuinely good person. He told me she reminds him of me when he first met me. I told him I’m more than just a pretty face…I’m the complete package. Right after that I told him I hope he can be happy with a cheap imitation of me. I haven’t confronted him about anything since May…and then it was only when he wanted a relationship talk to tell me how awful he felt for what he’d done and that he could see how well I’m doing.
I don’t know what my future holds but with him engaged I’m pretty sure it doesn’t include him. I prayed for a sign…I got one early on to “save my marriage”. That’s pretty hard to do when you’re the only one that wants to save it and the alien is running full speed ahead to the next fix. I really wanted to reconcile. I used to feel like I was the luckiest woman in the world…I was loved by a man that showed and told me every day how special I was and how much he loved me. He bragged to the world about his wonderful wife…and then one day he told me he wasn’t happy…hadn’t been for a year…then it was 2 years… I guess his engagement is my latest sign. My future will be without him.
Like I said…I don’t know where this will end. I’m guessing it’ll be a LONG time before he comes out of the fog if ever.
Even though we have already talked, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am again. I just can't believe it. I may be divorced soon myself.
Take care and remember that everything happens for a reason.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Shel, this is my first time posting on your thread but I'm very sorry for what happened. It seems not only is your xh totally oblivious to the immense pain you're in, but also seems to have no class or tact whatsoever by proposing to the OW like he did. Just think, with him being the person he is now her loss is your gain. She will most likely go through the same thing you are once the "shine" wears off of her. Take heart, there are better things ahead of you whether he wakes up or not.
Also, someone posted something about if there were a wave of women leaving their families. There are. Tad and I can attest to that. It defies everything I thought I knew about human nature, but 60-70% of D's are filed by women nowadays. I don't know the breakdown, but there sure seems to be a huge spike around 35-45.
M 39 W 41 Married 18 years Together 21 D18 D10 S6 D filed May 16, 2011 Bomb Dropped May 18, 2011 D in process
Thanks Tad and Thundarr. I guessed this would be coming and on the outside I'm doing okay but I'm really struggling inside. I haven't contacted him but I can't quit thinking about him. I've got to let go and move on.
Last night I ran into a former co-worker of his that used to car pool with him. He's unfriended her on FB...she said because she must have slammed him one too many times. She said she can't believe he did this...he "always talked like the sun rose and set on me". She said she's talked to people from their old company that interact with him through his new job and they say he's not the same person. Something changed.
I'm so sad. I really need to work on healing from this. I was doing great at GAL but today other than church I just didn't want to leave the house. I cleaned and organized some stuff. Wanted to get some other things done I used to enjoy but just couldn't make myself do them. Ugh...
xH: I found your bed posts in the garage and I have some mail for you. How are the dogs?
M: Good. Don’t want the posts…leave the mail in the door please. Might need you to sign my car title…looking into it.
xH: K how are the dogs?
WTF? I’m so glad he’s concerned about the dogs. When I replied “Good” I meant the dogs…I want to reply with Disappointed or Heartbroken. I know...not the right thing to do. I haven’t replied though. Not sure if I want to or should.
I can't believe it...he knows I know he's engaged and he asks me how the dogs are doing? I wonder if I reply Good again if he'll ask if he can visit them? I know...quit trying to guess what he's up to...just can't help but shake my head.
So much has changed. I'm doing so much better. I let go and moved on.
God has surrounded me with the most incredible friends. DivorceCare was a huge help to me. I made "Forever" friends there and we've been a great support to each other.
My XH got married to OW 1/21/12. I found out two weeks ago she is pregnant. I haven't heard from him since March of this year and that's just fine with me. Every text from him was like a slap in the face.
Time heals all. It may never make sense but looking back I can see how far I've come and how many wonderful blessings I currently have in my life.
I lurk here from time to time. It makes me SO sad to see so many new people. We live in a fallen world where people walk away rather than try to fix things...but with MLC walking away is really the only option.
I am so thankful for this board. It helped me to see that I'm not alone. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories, your struggles and your hurts.
