Needing some guidance... 5

[jks]

I feel like I have really let myself go these past couple weeks. The interaction at H's parent's house, I'm realizing, was extremely traumatizing for me. I thought seeing H and OW together like that was something that was going to help me because it allowed me to see things from his perspective. How he's moved on and how his family "acts" so comfortable with this. But all it did was make me angry, hurt, and frustrated. Three things I don't want to feel anymore.

I am changing my focus from, "do I want this marriage anymore?" to "what kind of woman do I want to be?" The answer to the second question is... I want to be someone that faced adversity and handled it with GRACE. I want to be someone that is strong and confident about who I am no matter what's happening around me. I want to be a good mother.

I'm really going to try my hardest to move forward by not talking negatively about this situation. I may come here to vent from time to time but I'm going to try to keep things positive and I'm going to stop making pity parties for myself. Especially when I talk to my friends. I'm going to try really hard to not even talk about it and find other things to talk about that are interesting when I'm around other people. I think this will help me a lot.

I'm done making excuses and I choose to rise above. I am not the victim and my H's choices do not reflect poorly on me, they reflect poorly on him. This was said to me by a wise friend on these forums not so long ago. I am staying true to my M and my family. What H chooses to do is on him.

The support from all of you is very much what keeps me going and gets me back on track when I fall off. Hugs to you all for your wisdom and your love.

-jks