She also says we need to talk and leave the lawyers out of this.
Mac,
I just wanted to chime in and say DO NOT DO THIS. Look, we all fight like hell -- in different ways -- to save our marriages, but once things do "go legal," you have to treat it as the adversarial transaction that it is. There's a reason that they put that little "v" between the names of the parties in our judicial system, Mac, and that is because it is adversarial by design.
No one ever went to their death-bed saying ANY of these:
1. I wish I had spent more time at the office.
2. I wish I had taken less risk in my life.
3. I wish I had been more agreeable in my divorce proceding.
i don't think a divorce can be stopped but i advised my H that, should he decide on D, i would be FAIR but not GENEROUS. IOW, he will get what he's entitled to and i will get what i'm entitled to, no more, no less. i will not give away my future to be "nice", again. i also told him that i wlll not dicuss nor negotiate with him; only with third parties.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
i don't think a divorce can be stopped but i advised my H that, should he decide on D, i would be FAIR but not GENEROUS. IOW, he will get what he's entitled to and i will get what i'm entitled to, no more, no less. i will not give away my future to be "nice", again. i also told him that i wlll not dicuss nor negotiate with him; only with third parties.
Thanks for sharing that, SS, it's very timely for me, especially given that my L it's recommending we do as much as possible hashing out between us w/o getting him involved. I need to find a balance. (/end hijack)
Thanks especially to serenity, Starsky and scaredsilly for the specific points
This I promise. This will be faced from a position of calm and power - let her work THAT bit out.
I'll listen to what she says and watch the clock ticking down if it's only to do with L talk. If it IS L talk then my tame pitbull will be asked to join in the party. Fair IS fair and the trigger with the L was firmly pulled by the W.
My interest is how in high heaven did the L send the second email when my W was with her Ma since a week this Wednesday gone? How did the W give the L instructions without being in the L's office (yes it works that way here - not by phone etc).
Well she had an extra day with an upset Ma to deal with.
I'll listen to what she says and watch the clock ticking down if it's only to do with L talk. If it IS L talk then my tame pitbull will be asked to join in the party. Fair IS fair and the trigger with the L was firmly pulled by the W.
Let me try again... Now that she has pulled the trigger with the hiring of a lawyer, you do the same... Since you pay these people to represent you, they do the talking, not her talking, and you listening. If she wants to discuss getting back/staying together you need to find a place to meet that is neutral ground. If all she wants to do is blather about, tell her to have her lawyer contact yours (that is what they are for).
From what I gather she is at her Mother's house? I say, let her stay there. She wants to "move on," she can start over there. (By saying this I am assuming the house is in your name, otherwise check with your lawyer) You can send her a note/text/email stating that you will have her stuff packed and put to the side and she can pick it up on such and such date, at such and such time. She has too much control over this situation and it is high time that you took that back.
I did this with my ex, and while I hated the way it made me feel, I knew it was the right thing to do... He thought I was bluffing and called my bluff by not showing... I sold/gave away/trashed everything that was his, down to the underwear he left behind. (trashed those lol) I kept one single item and that was a framed American flag, that was flown over the White House. It was a gift he received when he retired and I put it away for the boys in case one of them wanted it later on in life.
Was he mad? Absolutely...
Do I care? Not in the least...
I didn't do it to endear myself to him, I did it to take back my life, I did it because I said I was going to do it, I did it to show myself that I had the strength to follow through with what I said, I did it to face that fear of "what if he gets mad," and I did it because I was sick of the clutter. By having that stuff sit there, he still had some form of control, I in turn needed to gain that control back.
Just something to think about.
(((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Just try (and it will get easier, as you flex these new mental/emotional muscles) to get to place where it's more "I'm going this cuz dammit, it's THE RIGHT THING TO DO" and not so much "Let's see how SHE LIKES IT now!!"
You don't want to swing from the reactionary place of "I don't want to do that cuz it might upset her!" to the equally reactionary place of "I'll show HER!", kwim??
THANK YOU, thank you, thank you a million times!!!!!!
There's a phrase that I still use "bollocks to this". Never thought I'd use it in connection to this but "BOLLOCKS TO THIS"
The nice thing about this is that EVERY ONE of HER family are on MY SIDE this time. Nice not being the right word but you know what I'm trying to say. I'm NOT the villain in all this.
I'm actually getting some sleep. Going to wake up fresh as a daisy and RARING TO GO!!!!!
Maybe she SHOULD start her new life at Ma's. don't think Ma would be very pleased about that but I honestly don't give rocks
Night night one and all.
Thanks for your support, advice and best wishes. Truly appreciated!
