You seem very hung up on this 90 day thing, it’s irrelevant. You might not think so however I am sure there’s many others on this forum that would agree with me. I would highly suggest that you find a way to work through this.
The veterans that just posted gave some great points. Try and REALLY absorb and implement what they are telling you. To be brutally honest, if you don’t, you’re doing yourself a disservice and your reducing your odd’s towards R. Work your arse off to follow what’s being suggested to you. (It all comes back to having that open minded mentality)
I look at it this way, if you start to hear some common and consistent themes from people on this board, there’s probably a reason for it. There’s a high probability it’s the best approach to take.
Another thing, you really seem to have this mindset that “If only I could sit down and talk with W”. As hard as it is, please try and get that thought process out of your head.
When I say fight for your marriage I hope you understand this doesn’t mean to sit down and try to work everything out with W. It just doesn’t work that way. So much of DB’ing is counterintuitive Nascar. Make her miss you. Keep things business like. Don’t hang out with mutual friends or relatives that can be “go betweens” and please do not confront W regarding the dating site.
On a final note, you talked about the anxiety involved. I hear you my friend, you’re going to have it, I have it. However there’s lots of different things you can do to reduce it. Personally I found that by reading DB and sticking to MWD’s basics helped me out a lot. That’s only one example of anxiety reduction. You will have the anxiety but there’s so many things you can do to reduce it. Hang in there, we are here for you Nascar.
