She grew up in a house with parents who gave her a lot of encouragement and admiration. I grew up in a house where you knew things were fine as long as my parents didn't complain or correct me. I am just not the kind to give a lot of verbal praise. I did try, and at times I really thought things were improving.
I have dealt with the same type of issues, but eventually stopped saying "I'm just not that way" and started thinking, "How do I want to be?" Our childhoods shape us to a large extent, but eventually, you can realize that you can step out of it and shape yourself.
Originally Posted By: professorjay
I want to be what she needs. I am not sure I can be. She said she wanted me to take charge and not ask her what to do all the time. But she is the one who knows what she needs. Now I am sitting here a week away from losing my wife for good. If there is anything I can do, I want to do it.
Again, I think I've struggled with the same thing, but many folks here have told me (and I agree!) that you can't make changes for your spouse...you have to make them for yourself. If changes are just a ploy to get W back, she'll see it, and things will likely revert back to the way they used to be, if she even comes back. And you know very well what she wants...it sounds like she's been extremely clear on it. Stop being timid....you are so worried you are going to upset her that you're not allowing yourself to act.
On the sex thing, we had a similar issue for a long time. I didn't want my W to think I just wanted sex, so I was never the aggressor. A few years ago, we really talked about it and I learned that it made her feel unattractive, unwanted....not at all the comfort and security I was trying to convey.
Lastly, on meeting up....I think I'd focus on fun, no expectations, no R talk (unless she initiates). Relax, enjoy it.
