I would not classify my W as being remorseful. I think that she does recognize what OM was for her... as she put it, he was an 'escape' for her from the problems that she was having with our M and the other problems in her life. But she is very adamant that she did nothing wrong because she left me first, moved out of the house, and we were not 'together'. Try as I might, I cannot get her to see that we were married the entire time and what she did was wrong. But I realize that it is a matter of perspective. Cat, 25, and others here have reminded me that my W did consider herself emotionally divorced... she was moving on with her life believing that our M was truly over. I will never win this argument with her. I do need to accept that.
Denver: Eight years ago when my wife had an A she said the exact same thing. Even though we were still married, we were seperated and she told me that in her mind she was done so it was no big deal to move forward with a relationship with somoene else.
I can honestly tell you i never heard true remorse....I heard from others who knew what she would tell them about how badly she felt about it, but for some reason she would never tell me those things. I really wanted to hear, but understand now that i was just being selfish in wanting her to beg me for forgiveness.
Here's my point.....my wife and I had that fight over and over b/c in my mind it was an A and in her mind it wasn't because she was done with the marriage. Im older now and much more mature and can finally understand the old saying....in relation to this fight you can now choose to "either be right or be happy". Making her see it your way will only be to your detriment, take that from one who has been htere.
