DaddyLongShanks - thanks for your perspective on cheating. I've always gone with the philosophy of 'I wouldn't like it to happen to me, so I won't do it to anyone else'.
I totally get where you are coming from, I wouldn't be able to trust someone if they cheated on someone to be with me, cause I'd be thinking, 'why wouldn't you do that to me too'. Plus, I just wouldn't want it on my conscience, knowing how it feels to be on the receiving end.
Chatterbug - sometimes it really does need to be simplified like that. For example, the consequences of me not making our relationship issues a priority, led to the actions of my wife's affair and her checking out of the relationship.
When I was given the bomb(s), I wasn't strong enough to enforce any consequences for her actions. I tried to justify everything she did by blaming myself and only myself for her actions.
Today that fog has lifted, I am no longer dependent on my W for happiness, love or friendship. I'm remembering who I am, who I was and what I want to be.
Yankee - thanks for the 2x4 about resentment. For me it is the continued lack of respect for me, by keeping on dancing with the OM when she knows how it makes me feel.
I'm not saying it's something I would never be able to forgive her for, but it's definitely something I can tolerate no longer in my M.
I've been doing some more research into D in the UK and it [censored]. It'll cost me �340 about $500, just to file - that's before any legal representation.
The way it works in the UK when young kids are involved is that the Wife pretty much gets everything and reasons for divorce are irrelevant.
I'm not worried about signing over the house and any equity - just as long as she draws up a will stating that the house gets split 50 / 50 with the kids and noone else.
I'm more concerned about a judge determining how much of my future earnings and pension I'll be legally bound to hand over.
I'd pay my way for the kids - but I need to make sure I'd have enough of my salary (future salary) to live on.
Just the financial side is scary, that's before even considering custody
I think my best bet is to try and get some advice before I start the ball rolling.
Bill
Sounds like you realize the actions speak louder than the words. You will not continue to enable the self embelishment and disrespect when she knows how much pain it causes you.
If it was a male friend who put you in the same position you would let him go on about his way, maybe kick him in the ass on the way out.
