Marriage = busted. Help me bust my divorce too!!

[mamabird]

Someone on my other thread suggested that I "as if" as if we were reconciling. Not a bad idea.

Sorry Too Trusting, I didn't realize that your idea was here. I thought it was in my newcomers thread.

Just wanted to clarify one thing - he actually has "owned" his abusive behavior in that apology email he sent to me. Granted, he hasn't admitted to abuse, but that's how it felt to me. He may have sent this email to relieve some guilt, and he doesn't see how it was related to my choice to TA with another guy. His argument though is all about the things he DID do for our family, basically saying that "5 out of 6 ain't bad". Unfortunately the things he failed on (emotional connection, patience, understanding) were the most important to me.

I will try your idea of just kind of ignoring all of his D talk. He has taken some steps towards a D, like separating our finances to a degree. I am not currently working so all the money coming in comes from him. He wants to control it, whereas I used to pay the bills. Control is very important to him now. I know he hasn't talked to a lawyer because when I talked to one (in response to his threats) he freaked out.

The D talk doesn't seem like idle threatening to me any more though, and unfortunately he's made the world aware of our situation in glorious detail - which Michele says NOT to do, and I can see why. Among our mutual friends, we are now split down gender lines. The husbands don't know what to say to me anymore. So that will make it harder to swallow his male pride. He's a bit of a narcissist and I'm sure is telling everyone how "deeply troubled" I am. He is doing this to ensure that he doesn't change his mind, I believe, as cowardly as that is.