from the WAS to being walked away on

[strongerthanever]

KD,

My only regret about the email is that I was wearing liquid eyeliner at the time, bc tears (and my eyeliner) flowed for hours

It was real, and it was from my heart. It was also a huge first for me. Even a few days ago it seemed crazy to show my H TRUE love when I myself felt emotionaly starved.

What AJ said really hit me, and I began to examine the logic behind my thoughts. If everyone in this world opperated with the mind frame I was in, everyone would be out for themselves, putting themselves first. I don't want to live in a place like that. I much prefer to live in a place where people put others first.

I have to be honest, I had been reading in on other people's sitch's and applying their own concepts. But what is the point in a WAS going dark? What the heck does that show? I really need to just focus on myself and the person I want to be.

And I really do not have any expectations. I honestly have come to accept the fact that he may have his own list of reasons for walking away. I'm not the only one hurting here.

What gives me the most peace is the belief that I at least gave him what he deserves-an explanation, love, space and a start at closure (should he decide to D)

I had a feeling this would bring to life emotions and hope, and it did. However I do understand how destructive expectations can be and I see where they kept me running in circles in the past. I am refocusing on detaching from any outcome. As far as H, I plan on giving him the space he needs, while in the long run focusing on building a healthy new R at least as co parents. Realistic enough, I think.

Unconditional love is my true 180 and am grateful to have embraced it.