from the WAS to being walked away on

[strongerthanever]

Aj you helped me so much. That one question, do I feel justified with MY actions, man that was so deep for me. I felt stupefied, lol. Its like you took the book of knowledge and slapped me with it.

Now I see what 25mlc meant about keeping the mirror on myself. I kept posting the victim. It feels so good to put that down.

And yes I was selfish, and sadly, I now see that was nothing new for me. Always expecting h to reach out, heal, show me love.

I now see that I am not the only one that is hurt, that is scared, that needs healing. Just because I was the one who left doesn't mean I can't be the person to reach out and offer what is need here.

I do agree that it will probably be a while till I get a response, if ever. If I were in his shoes, I would be scared and unsure if what I read was real. I would need to know over a period of time. Not by words, but by my heart.

I won't lie, I was checking my phone for something, anything from him today in response. But more realistically, its not like I asked him if he wanted to get ice cream, this is a lifetime commitment to someone. That's huge.

communication needs to occur, but only on his terms when he is ready. I will not repeat my past behavior and play the blame game. If they're are things he wants to own up to, he will do it on his time. I'm sure I have just as much to learn about his perspective and I look forward to it.

No matter what happens I have just learned a great deal about selflessness in a r. I don't even think he knows how much he has taught me. I really geek st peace right now. Here's to the future....

PS AJ I have not understood the dedication of the vets to this board, even years after their situation has passed. It says so much of a stranger to stick around and help others. I really appreciate you and the time you have spent working with me.