another idea - I'm just floating this, and maybe some of the more experienced posters can say what they think.
a lot of people (i.e., most of the public, most people I know, especially those who have never experienced infidelity themselves) assume that infidelity = divorce; that even a one-time indiscretion means that the couple must divorce or the betrayed spouse is stupid or "a doormat". in the DB philosophy we know this isn't true, but it is a widespread belief that you hear everywhere; and certainly when the betrayed spouse is the husband. in popular opinion by the non-DB public, while either spouse can consider infidelity to be unforgivable, a betrayed wife might choose to "stand by her man" and forgive him for an infidelity, but a betrayed husband might be afraid that he will be considered less of a man if he forgives a straying wife. so we are talking about his male pride here!
now, this whole situation is really just based on his own perception. on the one hand he refuses to admit his own part in all this (his previous abusive behavior towards you) and he puts all the blame on you, even though your indiscretions didn't really go that far. and reacting in this way enables him to avoid blaming himself - convenient, huh? also, he is reacting in various ways (as Mr B also pointed out) that he might have learned in childhood.
so what is the bottom line? how about this? 1) first of all, continue with the previous advice - GAL, MC, and not letting him mistreat you (i.e. if he acts like a jerk, tell him that even though your behavior was wrong, it doesn't give him a right to treat you as less of a person - and then walk away).
2. when he says that he can never forgive you, and that all he wants is a divorce - remind yourself that this isn't *him* talking but earlier prejudices that he learned in the past, in childhood or even later. then say to yourself, even if he says he wants a divorce, he doesn't really mean it. act "as if" he is just quoting something that he read somewhere, not what he really thinks; and act "as if" he wants to reconcile, even though he is going through the motions of saying he wants a divorce.
basically, what do you have to lose? I think it's worth a try!
