TIME for a change

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks unbidden, you're certainly right I need to be careful. Something is certainly amiss however as her demeanor and attitude have taken a sudden dive when I have been nothing but nice to her and my SK.

I'm not defending her,

but perhaps she felt manipulated or that you were going to try to use her son to work your way back to her. After all, We know that was your original intent --- but Brit and others got you to stop thinking of SS as a way to your wife, or what to say to her about him, etc., and just be there for him simply b/c he needed to play catch...


We have an executed separation agreement so I don't know what else she could come after me for.

then you don't have much to worry about, financially, right?


I guess the fact that I am no longer comfortable with the liability of my adulterous wife who wants a divorce driving a car I own may have set her off.

THERE IT IS!!!...

geez THE OLD ANGER POPS RIGHT BACK UP THE MINUTE YOU DON'T GET YOUR WAY...see the condemnation returning--- and SO FAST?

and btw, you were never "comfortable" w/her driving while sep, but you had leverage...

and she pays for the car anyhow, so the only possible thing you could complain about is the possible liability (weak argument) or the credit ding IF she stopped making payments...so why not just get your name off the loan/title?

What's with repossessing it? Oh wait, I know, b/c That is the MOST you can do...so Why not Think about other avenues to protect yourself from liability--but without looking so punitive? I did not say "take on responsibility FOR HER"=== but please

at least examine why you went to the "Take the car away" route, FIRST...

What changed? Her driving? No.... Oh, I know why you want to stop being on the loan, b/c she made you mad...



The other part of it at this point is that I honestly do not want to see her face. I haven't seen it since February, given her actions, behavior, and attitude, why should I put myself through seeing it again.

I definitely need to concentrate on forgiveness. This is going to be extremely hard for me and this latest episode has set me back significantly in this area.

yes you do need to concentrate on forgiveness. Big time. It'll help YOU so much to DETACH, and forgiveness requires some detachment

and that is where I'd begin if I were you.

Plus the other reasons you mentioned, recently, about why you need to forgive her, all still applyl

BTW, Her latest action was curt. Not overly "rude" or mean, at least not to me. Just matter of fact and to the point. Not warm/fuzzy, I know. But she fears you'll read into anything more than that, I suspect.

Maybe once she heard about the baseball outing, she felt you were using her son for it. Not saying you were, but that's probably how it looked to her, given that you were not very involved with them, while married. (Per you).



She still verbally argues that she did not have an affair which is absolutely ludicrous.


UM, Who cares? What's the point of arguing this?

WHAT IS YOUR GOAL?

You think you can use words to undo the damage by actions done IN the marriage

and get her to see...what exactly? You keep forgetting ---she feels justified in reaching out to OM and in the past week,

when you had hope of a recon, you understood her reaching out to him...
Your anger is blinding you again.

Arguing to her about this does what? Shows her...
How "wrong" She is? NO, it proves to her the need to flee you.

What will that do for you? Remember this is not about being right...you really need to ponder that sentence Broken.

Forget the obsession with who is right, or who is wrong (b/c on HER scorecard, you lose)

...IT GETS YOU NOWHERE....


I can provide a mountain of evidence that proves this, which is why she blackmailed me into backdating the separation agreement to protect her and the OM.

I call BS.

1) LEGALLY IRRELEVANT - You're in a no fault state - AND EVEN IF YOU WERE NOT, THE KIDS ARE HERS, so the A does not matter b/c there's no dispute in custody.

2) Her "mountain of evidence" about what a lousy h you were would ....do what? Make her feel right! Stop keeping score b./c you use different scorecards and oh by the way

you are working on forgiveness...remember?

You demand or sure want forgiveness from her. Why not model it for her?




It is sickening to me that there is not going to be any[b] justice in their behavior at all, [/b]


wow....justice...(go to Africa and tell them about how UNfair YOUR Life is...)

Here's my real question...

does fueling your anger and festering in self pity & self righteousness, truly help you at all? I sure don't see the benefit....

it's one thing to drop the rope (which I urge you to do)

but this fuming you do, this working yourself up, is just unhealthy and it's something to learn about how NOT TO DO. Your anger consumes YOU and so it hurts YOU, not her.

Let her go and let the anger go...

and that I am the one left holding the financial wreckage from all of this. I am not playing the victim here, (really? Seriously?)


this is fact. She came in bankrupt and left debt free, I came in debt free and leave with 40k of debt to repay with nothing to show for it because she took everything of value from the marital home.


So, she forced you to...what? Hey, don't forget the choices YOU MADE and recently wanted credit for, the ones where you say you bought things to show your love for her by being a good provider,

and then ask yourself about where the responsibility for those choices really lies. Don't keep backsliding and pretending we don't post to you. Don't ignore what you don't like hearing...

if your legal rights were violated, take reasonable action. If not, then be quiet and learn what you can.

What do you think your ex wife from your first m would say about how SHE fared in that divorce?

You don't have to answer me or here, but think about it...



Must forgive and let it go and have to figure out how to do this ASAP...


Yes you must...

so, Turn your anger/pain AND marriage over to God--- and become the best man YOU can become.

Then, and only then, leave the results up to Him...

Once you have become a man only a fool would leave,

the man you were meant to become, then

hold your head high, behave with quiet dignity, strength and honor--- like the man you want to become would behave...

Looking forward to Monday to hopefully close everything out minus the signing and filing of the paperwork... Good luck to all in your respective sitch's!