I think the best thing is that she has a lot of friends to talk to. Of course the best thing would be just for her Dad to recognize her pain. I doubt that will happen anytime soon.
As I said, we do talk a lot but when she gets frustrated with me, she will go to her friends and siblings. She is very close to S16 though he also loves to get her riled up. He is her second go to person.
If it seems to be a constant thing then I will look into some more help. Right now it seems to bubble up now and then. This is the first time though that she has said anything about the divorce where her Dad couls see it.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks Michelle, that made me tear up. It is so funny to think just this past winter we were cuddling up watching ghost stories and now, well, she is growing up. I have said before she is the child most like me so we do have a special connection. I hate to see her hurting but I know we will get through this. Just took me off guard to "see" it written. Several parents have said that girls are harder to raise.
I had never had real issues with either of the girls. Now with the hormones and changes, I may be holding my breath and crossing my fingers as a regular practice.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Kat: The divorce effect really never goes away. It had a profound effect on Ashley who turned 13 just as her dad was leaving. My dad told me it was the worst possible time for it. Just as she needed a positive male figure in her life.
Ours was an idyllic mother/daughter relationship before her dad left - tumultuous and difficult after. But love prevails.
As with any teen daughter - stay involved. Know her friends. Support her good ideas - be firm with the rules. Love her unconditionally but let her make her own decisions about her dad. That was one thing I had a problem with but I learned.
I'm happy to say that my children have grown into wonderful, caring, responsible adults. They will forever be altered by the divorce but it has not ruined them. Bad stuff happens to good people all the time.
Too bad your ex won't figure out that your daughter's trauma is caused by his poor choices. But it's never them. It is much easier to bury your head in the sand than to accept responsibility for your actions.
Your daughter comes from a good home with a loving Mom and she will be more influenced by you and her older siblings than by friends (in the long run). Just love her and listen to her.
Your daughter comes from a good home with a loving Mom and she will be more influenced by you and her older siblings than by friends (in the long run). Just love her and listen to her.
Perfectly said Barb!
Kat, knowing what a fabulous mom you are, you will be the driving force behind her quietly cheering her on and letting her find her own way through this while gently guiding her.
Hugs to you my friend!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Thanks my dear friends I appreciate it. I had a message from one of our former posters last night and we wondered if there were books out there that might help on the subject. I had started looking and then got sidetracked by one of the kids.
D13 picked up the ipad to start drawing again and saw what I had been looking for. She said you were looking this up? I said yes, anything to help you guys. She gave me a big hug and she said I know you love me momma. It doesn't bother me all the time but deep down it is always there. Thanks for always trying to help. I guess that says it all, doesn't it?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thank you! What a lovely day! The weather was about 10 degrees cooler with a pleasant breeze. Went and saw "The Watch". It was funny but a lot geared toward guys. Had a slight adventure to get to On the Border and then taking a round about way to get my parents which took almost twice as long as normal. Had my favorite cake and ice cream.
My parents got me a hot air balloon ride/bungee jump ride! So two bucket list items will be crossed off. I guess they actually got me something else but it didn't arrive so I will get that on another occasion. Too cool.
Watching the London celebration. I am one beat chick!
Kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
