from the WAS to being walked away on

[strongerthanever]

Well, email is sent. I'm just going to be still and quiet for now. Here's a copy of the email...ps this was huge for me


Marcelo,

You recently told me that you regretted not trying harder in our relationship. My biggest regret is failing to communicate with you. For the past 7 months I have been assuming that you understood how I felt. I also continued to justify my actions based on the past, and put up a wall to protect myself.

You can be loved, or you can be right, but you can't have both. What's the point in me being right if in the end it means losing the man and family that I love? That is why I am writing you, the possibility of rebuilding our relationship is more important to me than my pride.

I want to start by going back to December, when I decided to leave our home. I did not walk away from you and our family because I did not love you, or because of another man. At that point in our relationship I truly believed that I was in a relationship where I was not loved, not cared for and felt taken for granted. I believe in our marriage and family so much, and it took A LOT to make me feel as if I could only be happy if I walked away from our relationship. To best describe it, I felt trapped in a home where I felt I gave so much to someone that didn’t even notice me. I do not say this to make you feel bad, I just want you to understand where I was emotionally at that time.

YES, at that time I was in an affair, but understand he is not the reason that I left. It was never my intention to leave you for another man. By that point I had emotionally checked out of our relationship and someone else just happened to come along. To be honest the relationship was more of an emotional band aid than anything, something to distract me from the pain that I was feeling.

To be honest all I really wanted was for you to appreciate me and to "wake up". I never wanted any of this to get so messy and painful for our family. But here we are, 7 months later...both regretting letting things get so out of hand and not sure how to repair things. The only thing I know is to be honest and communicate with you. I have been so quiet all this time because I was just scared of opening myself up to being hurt again. I have been busy playing victim since December that I haven’t allowed myself to think about what it would take for us to move forward.


I can't even imagine how betrayed and hurt you felt when you discovered that I had been unfaithful. I know that being able to trust and feel secure in our relationship is something that you struggle with. Your fears are more than valid. If we were to pursue a relationship again your trust and love is something that I would never again take for granted. I had a hard lesson in discovering how damaging outside relationships can be, and how they prevent the real relationship from healing and moving forward.

You have said that you are worried that I would be looking for "something better". I planted that seed of doubt in your head early in our marriage by judging you about your weight and not being the supportive friend that you deserved. I so wish I could take that selfish time in my life back. The honest truth is, I've been on my own for 7 months now, and I have yet to find another man that could begin to take your place. Yes, I have gone on dates, and I always found myself comparing them to you. Regardless of how good someone may sound on paper, they couldn't fill that place in my heart like you do. When I am close to you, when I am in your arms, when I kiss you-my soul is at peace. I don't know any deeper way to describe it. The reason that I have been single for the past few months is because I realized how in love with you I still am. For me being with another guy would be settling, and I don’t want to settle. It doesn't feel right to have any other man by my side or in our girl's lives. I'm not gonna lie, this has really sucked and been painful, and yet I still love you unconditionally and am committed to you.

You asked me what would be different if we were to try again, and I really want to answer that. You would be my equal, my partner. Our relationship would be my biggest priority, because without that strong foundation everything else just falls apart. Alone time for us at least every other week would be a must-at some point we stopped making time to nurture our relationship. You would have the space to have an identity and life outside the home. I have learned how important it is not to lose yourself in being a parent or spouse, you need your space too. When you need to talk I will listen, when you need to cry you have my shoulder, when you feel down you would have my encouragement and when you are mad you would have the space to work things out. You would also have my undying word that never again would I go outside of our marriage for any kind of fulfillment.

With that being said I think it is fair to tell you what I need from a relationship. I need to feel like my well being is important to you. I need to feel your presence as a parent with our children and a partner in our home. I need to feel supported in pursuing my personal interests. I need affection, I need date nights or quality time alone together. I need to feel safe that should we have a disagreement that we can cool down and talk about it in an appropriate way. I also need to feel loved and accepted for who I am, flaws and all.

I realize that I have been writing this as if you still wanted to be married. During this time apart from one another you may have decided that you would rather not spend the rest of your life with me, and I have come to accept that possibility. This is your life too, and I want you to be happy. I don’t want to give the impression that I am writing this to convince you to come back-if you are content with moving forward with our divorce then I fully support it. No matter what, I will always love you. I am more so writing this to attempt to heal the past so that our future can be better-whether that be as husband and wife or as parents to our little girls. I hope this email can serve as a healthy start for us to begin communicating more openly.

I know this was long, there is a lot I wanted to express to you. I appreciate you taking the time to read it.