Need help with detaching and hoping to reconcile.

[Arsene]

Hi Lilly,

I really feel for what you must be going through right now. My W and I have been separated for just about a week now (actually 2 months but since she dumped me by email while i was away for a few months and I've been back for only a week, I've only felt the fact that we are separated physically for a week) and it's been difficult to cope with it.

One thing I've been working on, just like you, is detachment. The thing is, in my mind, she is still my wife so i find myself doing things i used to do and talking to her the way i use to and all of this has huge potential to backfire on me because every time she is unresponsive, I get hurt. furthermore, she might see these things as pursuing and putting pressure on her and this might drive her further away.

My answer to this problem was to take a week away in full NC and try to sort out my issues. Try to build up strength and cry all i have left to cry so that by the time i get back, I should be ready for just about anything she throws at me.

Not easy to let go of the one you love but from reading your thread, I got a lot of good stuff. The main thing is to try to remember what THEY are going through, and as a loving spouse, give them the space, and time they need. I guess it might be a bit the same as seeing your kids leaving home and move on with their lives. We can't hold them back so we have to let them go, lovingly and be there for them always.