Fighting between faith & reality

[AJM]

I think RT is saying he doesn't really care what she thinks at this point, MB. I think that's the problem he's trying to figure out.

That's where my anger is coming from. I sacrifice my word by continually jumping on the grenade and my word still gets cast to the side as if she's swatting at a gnat.

I think I'm seeing something here. Do you see where part of the anger is coming from yet? Where there is lack of trust...? Which makes sense in some ways.

I'm also aware that I'm having a bit of difficulty trying to get past what S12 said to me the other day. He's angry that I care about his mom even though she talks bad about me to others.

First off, good that you notice that you have some difficulty with it. You don't have to tell your kids you care about her. It's written all over you. You do care. Even if you want to stop caring, you still do. It's not a switch.

S12 concluded the other day that everyone liked me until his mom started talking bad about me. I don't know what that means since I don't know what she says, but as far as I'm concerned, their idiots for believing 1 side of the story. I have nothing to say to anyone ( except here ), so my W must be right. That kind of logic is how cults are formed. Idiots.

Good for you for not paying attention. But I think you do care a little. It sounds like it. But honestly, I think that this is fairly normal right? I mean, she wouldn't leave a perfectly good man would she? She'd have to be crazy to do that! Nope. She needs people to listen and validate and believe her. Some will for a while. Those that knew you both will figure it out in time. They always do. Those that didn't really know you or are new to the scene, won't. In my case, my ex needed all new friends and some old but disconnected ones for this role. Friends choose sides in these situations. But they also change over time so let it play out...

RT, I think I see some of the anger and the...emotions. I think your counselor was honing in on the absence of feelings because that's far worse than feeling things. Been there. But when all the feelings are so tightly wound together, it can be hard to get them out. But they are there. I see them oozing out in the posts. It's just a matter of time really even though nobody can guess as to the extent. Keep working on the feelings, but make sure they are your feelings and not what "you're supposed to feel" right? I think you know that.

As for your son, have you considered he is hurt too. He is dealing with his emotions as best he can and can't tell anyone other than you. That's a shame, but it's important that you understand he is in pain as well. He may sometimes try and avoid things that make him uncomfortable by telling people he is doing things with you and can't with them. Be patient. He'll figure it out too, although for now his security and world has been turned upside down and his mom is telling people what a monster you are. That's got to be hard for a kid.

The legal stuff will be over soon enough. The raising of the kids will be gone before you know it too.

Finally, have you considered your wife is hurt too? Seriously, I know that sounds funny, but she is. She is trying to heal as best she can as well. Be patient. It'll fall into place...

Peace,
AJ