Need help with detaching and hoping to reconcile.

[lillystillinlove]

MrBond, I don't think I can approach him with anything physical. He would view it as pushing and has been pretty clear about his boundaries. I also think he knows my position. I've told him via email and in MC that I would accept anything he was willing to give. You don't know the countless times I wanted to comfort him, in a non sexual way and as I stepped forward I was met with a look that said back the F*** up. I realize all of this is pursuing and I have since stopped (several weeks ago). As of the other evening, when I was considering responding to his email and received all the great advice and reality checks, that I will not be initiating contact other than that necessary for our son. If he contacts me for any other reason I will respond with validation and compassion. NO EXCUSES.

My goals for the next few weeks:
1. Don't recoil in fear at the slightest touch (accidental or initiated by him) and being afraid it will be crossing a line with him that may push him further away.
2. Try to remember what it is that he is going through.
3. No Excuses.
4. Breathe.

I don't know how often I will be able to practice this because he gets his place Thursday and I don't know how things are going to work after that. He wants to keep the situation as "normal" as possible for our son, so I think I'll see him everyday dinner time to bedtime and then he'll leave but who know, if I ask I don't really get answers. I still feel like that boat without a rudder.

MrBond I hear what you are saying and would love the opportunity to rekindle that part of our relationship, especially now that I've found a Dr (MD) that has helped me figure some things out and has me on hormone therapy. I really think that if we could get over that hurdle, working on the other stuff would be so much easier. I was never dissatisfied with him as a lover, it was always a matter of getting my engine going. Now that my engine is tuned up I have no driver. Is that called irony?