She is still seen OM, but she is trying to make me believe she doesn't. This monday, when we were intimate she told me that the only person she would have sex with is me, since I was her H for 10 yrs. I honestly did no believe that, and at this point I am having mixed emotions about having sex with her. I know I should respect my self and not allow that, but at the other hand it makes me feel closer to her. Also, in a way it makes feel I am paying this guy with the same token of sleeping with who he feels is his woman. I know this is very stupid because I know I am not competing for a price or to get revenge. When I have this kind of thoughts, I replace them real fast with something positive.
Now, W has made it very clear to OM that the house is not a place for him. At least on that aspect I am ok, or what do you think? The reason I know this is because my 13 yrs old kid does not know about OM, and the 17 yrs old does not knows him. I need to say that W is spending most nights out the house.
With the house, I am paying only the bills, and my W made arrangements with her older son to move in the house and help her pay for the rent. She did not want me to help her financially, but I insisted that because we were not longer together it did not mean that the kids stopped being my kids and that it was going to be my way of helping her, without me giving her money directly. I also, support my kids with their needs, but I do that on my own wihtout giving her the money.
Now, there is more to say though. When we got separated, I told W that she could count on me for everything because she was not working at the time. She was reluctant to get my help, and she even told me that she was going to give her truck, back to me when she would start working since it was me who paid for the cars. Again I told her that it was not necessary, that everything we build was hers, and that she should not feel that she is taking advantage of me because we both build our home. I really believe she was being honest when she told me that.
We started seen each other and were flirtting, but one day she told me that it was not what she wanted and from there everything cooled off, and that is when she started to tell me that she need to fix our situation. Again, I told her she could count on me for wathever she needed. She was getting desperate because she could not find a job, so I offer her to talk to a guy from the gym who owns a restaurant and see if he could hire her as a waitress. We went and filled the application, and on the way back we found another restaurant that was barely opening and she filled the application there and was asked to come to trainnign for a week before hiring. This was last week, and this has been the week were I have spend more money in her, buying her the uniforms, putting gas, taking her to eat after trainning etc. She has promised she is going to pay me back for everything, which I doubt.
Monday we saw each other and had sex. Tuesday morning she droped by my place and were talking and joking about our intimacy, but her mood changed right away and started to complain about me GALing, and that is was not fair. I told her, ok, please let me know what can I do to make things better, she answer "nothing, it is to late". I told her that I have stoped working long hours to at least make it up to them and be more available, and to give me the opportunity to spend that time with her. We kissed, it was an akward kiss, and she left. She told me to call her later, which I did. It was quick phone call, she was coordial but the conversation was short. The restaurant is very close to where I work and on the way to the gym. They had their inaguration Monday, and W starts working today, so I sent her a message yesterday that the restaurant seem busy. She did no answer. I need to point out that she changes moods dratically, and even a minor thing can make her change for the rest of the day.
She usually texts me in the morning to say good morning. Today she did not, so I sent her a message telling her to have a fun day at work, again she did not answer. I know, I should keep distant, no excuses on that.
Well, here is a little more about me, and again your help is greatly appreciated. God bless you all.
I am here once again.. W stopped by a couple of minutes ago to let me know she is going to work and that she lost her phone. She told me she did not want me to believe she was avoiding me, and that is why she stopped by.
With the house, I am paying only the bills, and my W made arrangements with her older son to move in the house and help her pay for the rent. She did not want me to help her financially, but I insisted that because we were not longer together it did not mean that the kids stopped being my kids and that it was going to be my way of helping her, without me giving her money directly. I also, support my kids with their needs, but I do that on my own wihtout giving her the money.
Now, there is more to say though. When we got separated, I told W that she could count on me for everything because she was not working at the time. She was reluctant to get my help, and she even told me that she was going to give her truck, back to me when she would start working since it was me who paid for the cars. Again I told her that it was not necessary, that everything we build was hers, and that she should not feel that she is taking advantage of me because we both build our home. I really believe she was being honest when she told me that.
We started seen each other and were flirtting, but one day she told me that it was not what she wanted and from there everything cooled off, and that is when she started to tell me that she need to fix our situation. Again, I told her she could count on me for wathever she needed. She was getting desperate because she could not find a job, so I offer her to talk to a guy from the gym who owns a restaurant and see if he could hire her as a waitress.We went and filled the application, and on the way back we found another restaurant that was barely opening and she filled the application there and was asked to come to trainnign for a week before hiring. This was last week, and this has been the week were I have spend more money in her, buying her the uniforms, putting gas, taking her to eat after trainning etc. She has promised she is going to pay me back for everything, which I doubt.
Monday we saw each other and had sex. Tuesday morning she droped by my place and were talking and joking about our intimacy, but her mood changed right away and started to complain about me GALing, and that is was not fair. I told her, ok, please let me know what can I do to make things better, she answer "nothing, it is to late". I told her that I have stoped working long hours to at least make it up to them and be more available, and to give me the opportunity to spend that time with her. We kissed, it was an akward kiss, and she left. She told me to call her later, which I did. It was quick phone call, she was coordial but the conversation was short. The restaurant is very close to where I work and on the way to the gym. They had their inaguration Monday, and W starts working today, so I sent her a message yesterday that the restaurant seem busy. She did no answer. I need to point out that she changes moods dratically, and even a minor thing can make her change for the rest of the day.
She usually texts me in the morning to say good morning. Today she did not, so I sent her a message telling her to have a fun day at work, again she did not answer. I know, I should keep distant, no excuses on that.
Well, here is a little more about me, and again your help is greatly appreciated. God bless you all.
doubleAA,
Look at what I highlighted in your post above. Do you see a pattern here?
She is still seen OM, but she is trying to make me believe she doesn't. This monday, when we were intimate she told me that the only person she would have sex with is me, since I was her H for 10 yrs. I honestly did no believe that, and at this point I am having mixed emotions about having sex with her. I know I should respect my self and not allow that, but at the other hand it makes me feel closer to her.
I hate to be the forum's wet-blanket hall monitor, DoubleAA, but I really hope you are using protection here?? There is a VERY high likelihood that your wife is lying about having sex with the OM, and I'd hate to see you put your own health at risk.
Yes Sir I do see the pattern, and that is the reason I wrote it, so you guys can give me an insight on how I can stop this behavior on my part without being rude.
Now, I do agree with you on using protection. I haven't, but what really want to do is stop having sex wiht W. That would be only if we fixed our marriage, that is my goal.
Now, on Mr. Bond question, if I am sure she is still seen this other man. Like I told you, she spends most of the nights out the house, I know that thru my 13 yrs old. I want to point out that I do not ask him anything or involve him on this situation. Still, he tells me stuff like: "When my mom comes back in the morning" or "in the mornings when I see mom". That is how I know she is with OM.
Now, the only time she has talk to me about this other guy, she said that he is "so attentive with me". That is it, I do not know this guy so I really do no know how he is. Good things she has said about me are: "You are the only person that really loves me", With all this happening between us, it makes me realize that you really care for me" "Wow, you look really good now that you are going to the gym", and the one I rellay believe is the most important: "There is no one I can call the father of my kids, but you". On this last one she really means it.
Now, with these comments and the comments that she is afraid of our relationship, really has me going on in circles.
I think the supplicating/rescuing/fixing -- even "fathering" behavior . . . the stuff that I highlighted . . . is a turn-off to her.
And in a pure DB sense, it's "pursuing," which is a big DB no-no.
She's going to just use sex to keep you as her "Plan B" is my fear for you. Unlike some others on the forum who are able to detach and just use the LM as a way to enjoy themselves, with no expectations, I don't get the sense that you can do that, and -- more importnatly -- YOU don't feel good about it afterward.
And to not use a condom is just plain DANGEROUS on your part, but I'll stop my preaching there. I'm sure your doctor wouldn't tell you anything different.
I agree with what you say, the supplicating/rescuing/fixing is a turn-off, even for me. I do not like being like this.
The fathering on the other hand, what can I do about it? They are my kids, and how am I supposed to detach from them? This is the only thing I tend to disagree a bit with.
What is LM?, I could not find it on the abbreviations. Now, It is also my fear that I am being used and being kept as "plan B". I do want to start detaching and feel good about it, I just need to find out how. Any advice?
Regarding the unsafe sex. I am 100% with your toughts, and like I said, I want to stop this all at once. Once again, any advice how I should start detaching.
