from the WAS to being walked away on

[strongerthanever]

I never thought of my actions as being self centered, and I so appreciate your honesty in what you saw. H and I never communicated about our R needs. What I do know is that we are both hurt and waiting for the other to change or do the ice breaking.

What's holding me back? Pride, pain, ego, fear of opening myself up to rejection? Yes. Afraid to go there emotionally again after 7 months, yes.

This if making me cry and I don't even understand. But I do get what you are saying. It doesn't make since to leave the home, not communicate your needs and then build a huge wall of protection, only to cry about not having your family together or to focus on Hs behavior. I get it.

I need to communicate with the person that I love. The reason I have not is out of the assumption that it will inflate his ego and he will walk off thinking he won, that he feels inflated that I want to be with him and walk off with his chest in the air.

I don't think I've ever been so honest.

Seeing my own (crazy) words in front of me, it seems impossible to have a meaningful r with ego in the way.

I need to communicate to him everything. He prefers email, so I'm thinking I need to push my ego aside and be a big girl. My biggest concern is on how to communicate everything without it appearing as begging or pursuing AND while detaching from an expected outcome. I'm scared but I know I can do it. The D clock is ticking down, if I have to detach all over again after bringing to light all of these suppressed emotions then do be it.