Hi, I have already read the DR Book, and it makes much sense now of what W is doing.
Me and W have been together for 10 Years. I am 36 yrs old, she is 42. We are not married since when I met her she was separated from her H. We started living together right away and really connected. She has 4 boys, 2 of them alreday out the house and with families of their own. The 17 yrs old recently moved out to because he could not handle the pressure of us fighting all the time. The youngest is 13 and does not know how to react.
We would talk about us getting married, but we never made it a priority for her to get divorce first. Also, we were scared that by getting married it would be a death trap and would not last.
We have been together for 10 yrs now, and separated 2 months ago. As I stated before, I used to work long hours to give my family everything they needed. That is one of the main concerns for our separation. Basically, that is what she complains about the most, that I spent so much time working that I had neglected her.
Well, here is how I am. I am pretty stubborn on my ways, and most of the time do not see or hear what the opinion of the other poeple. This of course created a lot of conflicts,and arguments. When we argued, it was always me who would start yelling and screaming. Not a very pleasent husband to have around.
I have been trying to change that kind of behavior for many years now, and have made some progress. I started going to church time ago, and with the help of God, I managed to control my self more often.
Now, my W has had a real hard life. 1st H left her with her two children and used to beat her up. She was 19 when that happen, 2nd husband (she married to this guy) was al nice and everything, but he is a drug addict and does not supports his children. When I met W, she was alredy separated from 2nd husband, but I do not really know for how long.
W has always tried to impress her mom since she was a little girl. The mom has always prefered her other daughter over her. This has created many emotional problems on my W. I have seen her cry, get angry and do so many things because of this. I do not know if this info will help in understanding W.
At the beggining we both used to work, but she used to support the house since I was going to college. That lasted for 2 years, then I started helping her with the family expenses. Eventually, we both were working but I was taking all the responsability to support the family. The last two years, W was not working and I was supporting the house by my self. We have moved to in the years from one home to a more expensive home. I started to work real long hours, and thinking that it was ok, since I was providing for my family.
For the past 3 years that has been my life. W started to ask for me to stop working that much and move to a less expensive house. I did not want to, she wanted to plan a vacation, but again I was to busy at work.
I was her "everything". She would do anything to please me, and I would too, but as a I said, I got so busy working and believing I was doing everything for them.
She started doing stuff by herself about 8 months ago, like going walking or exerscing. That really did not bother me because she would be home by the time I got home. That started to change bit by bit, but the major change came about 3 months ago when she met a friend she had not seen for years. They started talking to each other and eventually going out to walk, etc. Nothing that would turn a red light on, but that is when W started coming a bit late everytime. I reacted by confronting her about her friend and of course W got defensive. A lot of arguments about it.
After several times going with friend she started coming late more and more. Eventually, she was not coming home until next day.
After about 3 months of this she met OM thru her friend. We were on the brink of separation. I found out she was having EA with this OM, and eventually became physical.
I moved out the house about 2 1/2 months ago. The day I moved out I begged her to not let me go, but I finally picked up my self and moved out. I did not contact her, but it was her who contacted me a week or so later. It was for something really stupid, the dogs needed food. From that day we have had more comunication. I have tried to follow the DR book as much as I can, but I am getting more and more confused with her behavior.
As I have stated, on the previous posts. We have been intimate on several occations and that makes it very difficult for me to detach.
Please, give me some insight and ask specific questions, that way I can go back and see things that were also wrong that I am not seeing at this moment. Thanks.
