Still bullshit though right? What if that doesn't get the result you're wanting? Then what?
Have you considered the concept of loving anyway? Sometimes you can just say nice things, or do things without being asked and that is enough to change the momentum. From what you posted, I think that's a more effective approach than demanding to get your needs met.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Been at this for a long time. Sometimes I feel like I have to start back at square one. I asked for one Friday and she wouldn't budge. She thought I was trying to interrupt her Friday wine night. When I was trying to arrange a day when I'm not so tired. I work third shift and Sat I'm dead tired. We negotiated two Saturdays but she hasn't committed to a date as of yet. She still doesn't know if she wants to divorce me! I've asked her to just divorce me already but she seems to hang on.
The reason I ask is because I'm not sure that the things I suggest are going to fit well with you without you wanting too change some fundamental things about yourself.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
One of my strong traits is if I set my mind on something I can be very determined. Other traits are; patience, honest and I will back up what I say.
I also know 4 short years and i'm packing my bags and moving out. Officially our marriage has more bad years then good ones. She's caused a lot of damage and if things don't improve... well I honestly tried my best.
That's a great question! Not sure why anymore except my parentsdivorced when I was young. Through marriage couceloring I discovered I have severe abandonment issues. This is something I do not want my D to face. So I have to man up and ride out this crappy R bullshit. I was doing the LRT it got me this far. Could she still be iat the tail end of her MLC. Who knows?
Reaching out to the left behind child is one sign when someone is back from a MLC. She's connecting back with our D and forgot how many times she abandoned her!
Fixer, You deserve better than this. And your daughter deserves to see you with someone who loves and respects you, and wants to be with you. Why doom yourself to four years? What are you showing your D if you stay in a loveless marriage?
You have been admirable in sticking it out. But you obviously need more. It is time to have the "This marriage is not working for me" conversation, and be prepared to do something about it. You might prepare to walk--as Michelle points out, you may need to shock your spouse into doing something.
Maybe you can get things into counseling.
If not, do not allow the fear of being on your own to deter you from the best life you can have.
If your X does not respect you, you deserve to be with someone who does. And demanding attention and respect sounds like a 180 for you.
My X left when D was a little over a year old. I spent three years recovering, working on myself, and struggling mostly alone with a baby while X lashed out at me at every turn.
Life has changed a lot for me, and for X. I am humbler, and kinder, and also more optimistic and I also have more of a backbone. In some ways I've been more fearful and I've been struck some blows, but gosh, I am glad I met New Guy and realized what it's like to feel wanted.
PS: As far as the Batman movie, I can understand not wanting to go. It's like this horrible tragedy happens...even if you're not really scared of it in your community, the idea of the movie makes it seem sad now.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Thanks for the comments. I still need to know why I have this feeling of abandonment. The wife and are civilized towards each other. I've discussed with her the benefits of a MC and she didn't deny there are some.
By staying with my D I got to see many great thing happen in her life. She's a good kid
