Now please take a step back and breath….I can see in your post that YOU feel that something you say or do is gonna snap her a** back to reality. It may….just not NOW. It will be YOUR ACTIONS that do most of the talking.
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Basically, the complain my W has is that I totally screwed up, by not spending time with her. She would ask me to go on a date, go walk, go to the movies etc, and my reply was always "no, I am tired".
Been there^^^ done that. Okay so you messed up – get over it and get over it NOW. You made a common mistake that many people do…okay you know that now…so do better. How does one do better you must asking? IMO, you find out more about YOURSELF – YEP – NOT HER – YOURSELF. You spend sometime trying to find WHO YOU ARE and what are the things YOU WANT in YOUR life.
Brother…I have been where you are…I suspect (and I could be wrong) that YOUR GAL is ONLY to get her back. Wrong reason to GAL IMO. You should be GAL’ing for YOU. TO do stuff for YOU.
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We have been intimate in 3 occassions since the separation, but that has stopped already and the communication we had has been diminished to still a coordial talks, but now I can sense she is been pulling out.
This is a tough one….on one hand I say it may keep you closer, on another hand she is having her cake and eating it too. Not to mention the risk you take by her sleeping with someone else. Look man, I think you need to be real with yourself and ask yourself if YOU feel comfortable with her sleeping with YOU and someone else. I am not hear to tell you what to do..but what I will say is that there will come a time buddy when YOU will not tolerate it. That does not mean that you are become an as* - nope it means that YOU respect YOURSELF enough to not allow it. IMO, your not there yet.
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She tells me she "needs to fix this situation" because she can not live like this. She constantly tells me that she is scared if she comes back, I will go back to my old ways. When that happens I try not say anything, but the only thing that I say once is "I am not here to hurt you anymore, I know you do not believe me, but I am not going to try to convince you otherwise".
SHE, SHE, SHE, SHE, SHE…….why does SHE DEFINE the rules for YOUR life? Your comment of not trying to convince her was good. YOUR ACTIONS buddy will do that….not YOUR words. Oh…and STOP admitting to her that your “not here to hurt her” – stop admitting your PAST (past being the key word) mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes. The more you remind her of YOUR mistake the more SHE will remember them.
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she has told me she needs to fix this situation, and decice if she is going to be with me.
1) you cant fix HER but you can fix YOU. So focus on YOU, focus on where YOU went wrong and FIX that.
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When she tells me that I sometimes do try to make her see that it will be the best decision for all of us. I know I should not be taking advantage of that, because it is just causing her to pull away, but I wish I have the words to let her know it is ok, but without beeing pushy, needy or desperate.
YOUR words won’t matter (not now) but YOUR actions will. Her comment to me appears to be a hint to stop trying to talk your way out of this.
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it made me believe that I was a great husband and a great dad because I was providing for all economic needs for my family.
In some ways YOU probably were a GOOD husband and in other ways you were not. Stop for a second and realize that YOU are NOT all that bad. Many times the WAS will spew crap to justify HER actions. Listen VERY CLOSELY to her complaints and they determine which ones YOU want to fix for YOU and ONLY YOU.
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I have two boys, a 17 year old, who has been more affected than any of us and a 13 year old who has been affected but do not really understands what is going on. I need to say, they are no my biological kids, but I have been with them for 10 years, and any body who says they are not my kids is wrong. I would do anything for them.
I have two boys myself and although you may see things a certain way RIGHT NOW…they will be different in the future – that much I can assure you. They will be different regardless of what happens in your R. Now….your boys are gonna watch you, they will learn to be men from YOU (not her)….so what kind of man do YOU want to be AA?
I am taking my boys to the movies today so I will not be on but I will check on you tomorrow….in the interim I want you to consider doing the following (yes it is homework)…
1) read my thread…all of them (it’s ugly) 2) post all of the things about yourself that you do not like and want to change 3) post all of the things about yourself that you DO like 4) post some of the thing that you want to do for YOU (and only YOU).
God Bless, Eric (and hey I’m Rican so I can relate on a latin thang)
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
