Ultramarathon finish line or hallucinations?

[keep_going]

JB,

Re. exposing kids to overnight guests... Boy, this is a tough one and I am also in the thick of it with my H.

My sitch is a bit diff. because our kids are so young (D4, D3 and S1).

H started exposing OW as "a friend" a year ago. Even though he swears they are not affectionate in front of them, both my daughters have been very confused by it. At different times they have said things like:.
OW is part of the family, H and OW love each other, OW's kids don't have a dad or that H is OW's kids dad, etc.

Now he wants to expose them to overnight stays and to have OW attend kids' activities, so I would now have to see her as well!

I have asked for neither to happen until our D is finalized but he has categorically refused. He has not filed for D yet, and it will be at least a year before it's finalized (according to attorneys). Last time we talked about it was at co-parenting session last week and ran out of time before discussing it with counselor.

I see both sides of the argument.
I believe it's morally wrong and disrespectful of marriage as an institution and I want to set an example for my kids that I stand for my beliefs. H doesn't see anything wrong as he thinks our M has been dead for a long time anyways. I know I will not change his mind.

I want to protect my kids from more confusion re. our sitch. H doesn't believe they are confused...

I have been adviced both here and outside the boards to just let it go. I live in California and my L has said that a judge would most likely not even consider the issue as relevant, so I should just drop it. So it's not like I can leave it to my L to battle it out for me.

And it has been quite painful every time H and I have discussed it. So I can see how it will probably be healthier for me in the long run to just let it go. It's going to happen anyways sooner or later and I just don't want to create more ill-feelings between us. H clearly sees it as me trying to control him and me just acting out of jealousy.

And as Labug asks, realistically, how enforceable is it anyways even if it gets agreed upon in a D settlement?

This is currently the only remaining thorny issue I have with H re. custody, but it has been brutal for me emotionally.

I think that at this point, I have stated my POV and disagreement and it's there for the record. Whatever H does, I cannot control it.

I wish you the best on this. I know how difficult all of this is.