i am so sorry that you are here and in such pain. this site has been a lifesaver for me and can be for you to. the people here are wonderful and supportive. it is a great place to vent and process all the mixed up emotions and thoughts you are experiencing so that you don't spill them out elsewhere.
this is a good place to grow, learn about yourself and become a stronger you. keep posting so we can know you and your sitch. i promise that it does get better..
((( )))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13