Need help with detaching and hoping to reconcile.

[lillystillinlove]

After reading the note and going through your posts, I noticed that you make alot of excuses. Yes I understand your depression, etc. But the bottom line is that alot of the problems stemmed from that.

I totally agree with you.

For years my W would push me away when I wanted to initiate sex and it does feel very emasculating. I have a feeling that this is the reason why your H feels that whatever change you say you are making, that it's not going to stick. In fact, I have a feeling that in your C sessions, you validate how he's feeling but then come up with the valid excuses why you acted the way you did.

Yes, I would agree with that, all of it.

This is what you need to do. You need to apologize and that's that. And then live the changes that you've said you made. Don't say 'I'm sorry, I know how you feel, BUT you know I was depressed, etc." He knows you were depressed but in the end his FEELINGS are what matters.

I agree I do that when very frustrated (which is more often than not). I need to figure out how to be calm when in our MC sessions, that is a big trigger for me. I'll do better when it comes to outside of the session and email contact for sure. I'll work very hard in session to remind myself no excuses and stay calm.

It's no wonder why he went out to get validation as a man from another woman. Validate him some more with no excuses. Then just give him random hugs and tell him how much he means to you.

Ouch... I understand what you are saying but Ouch. I wish I could give him random hugs, he won't let me touch him. I need to find ways to express how much he means to me that don't come across as I Love You, he feels the words are empty and saying it feels like pressure to him.

Thank you for all the insight, all is duly noted. I'm happy to have your POV it will definitely help me understand my H's POV better.

I have to admit, I wanted to "explain" more of the dynamic but decided it would sound more like an excuse. Learning already!

I'm sorry you when through so much with your W.