Marriage = busted. Help me bust my divorce too!!

[MrBond]

"I don't want things to go well. You broke faith with me horribly two times."

Bingo! This is the sticking point. You cheated on him twice. It doesn't matter if it was just text and you shouldn't say it was just an OA. To him it was as if you had sex with the guy every day for a year. Cheating is cheating.

I get that he wasn't seeing your needs, but you don't solve a bad problem with an even worse one.

"Want to make him squirm a little bit. "

This shows that you've become no better than him. In the end, you want to save this PERIOD.

Since he apologized, which sounds like a really big deal for him, this is what I suggest. I suggest you do a 180 and tell him that you appreciate him for owning up to his portion of the breakdown. Apologize again for your indescretion and give him a big hug. Tell him that you are scared of being hurt again and of hurting him again. Which is why you want to go to MC to stop the cycle of pain, anger and hurt and come out with a better, happier and stronger M. Tell him that you have faith in him and that he's stronger than even he believes and that things can work out. But the first step has to be his.

Put the small initiative onto him and see what happens.