Decided to have movie night with my brother last night. I started getting phone calls from home and text from the kids around 9pm. No one knew where Mom was and D11 needed picked up from a friends. I called W, no answer. I then talked to S17, who ended up taking care of everything. All that was fine, but then I slipped up and sent W a nasty text. She responded as you would expect. After a few texts, I said I didn't mean to be an ass, but was scared and didn't like the kids to be home alone late. She responded she was struggling too.
As I look at this in hindsight, I view it as a small test, one which I failed. I assumed that W was being irresponsible and disrepectful. And even if she had been, and I knew it for certain, I let that control my behavior. I didn't act how I wanted to act, I let all the frustrations I've been holding back all week bubble up.
I feel a change in myself, a different way of thinking and understanding things. I actually laid in bed thinking over my actions, thinking thru my feelings and how I would have liked to act. Historically, I would sit there and think about how W did things wrong, but this time, I find myself stopping that train of thought before it even starts moving. She's going to do what she's going to do....I can't control it....I can only control me, and must choose how I want to behave. Man, change is hard.
