How many licks does it take...?

[2thepoint]

Yeah, the perception of the LBS is just as skewed as that of the WAS after the bomb -- often, for months thereafter. It's like a collusion of lies and half-truths. Then, usually the LBS begins to wake up to the truth a bit earlier than the WAS, hopefully, but often not, without resentment.

You’re not kidding! I lived this for so many months, believing everything my W had said were my issues, my failures, my faults, etc. She claimed vague ownership of some parts of it but never gave specifics. It is difficult to keep the resentment from creeping in. There is some but it is under control.

Both the book and the men's group sound like interesting propositions. When would the men's group be starting? I think you'd be great in that role.

Thanks for the encouragement, Busto. My C said it would probably start in a few weeks. They just relocated their office and have significantly more space to work with so as they finally get settled, I think that is when things will kick off.

I'm glad you went back to the mountain bike. Not just for the riding but for exposing yourself to the potential discomfort of talking about the sitch. Take it by the horns, 2thepoint. Confront your brutal reality right through to the other side.

You are right, here. I’ve really wanted to avoid discussing the sitch with anyone from my bike crew. Thus my avoidance. But as it turned out, no one asked and I didn’t volunteer. It was a little awkward at the card game though when one of the guys suggested we have the next game at my place….uh, next topic please.

at the invitation of my W, we went to the gym to hang by the pool with her and some close family friends. I should have known better!

In which ways do you mean that?

BTW, what exactly is the 'public' status of things? Do your close friends know what is up? Family? What is public knowledge and what is not? And why?

My comment about knowing better has to do with my detachment. I’ve been doing a pretty good job in that area; actually having gone pretty dim in the past few weeks. Her comment just kind of threw me for a loop and I should have been prepared. That’s all.

Regarding public status, there are few people that know: W’s parents, brother and sister. Our close friends referenced above. My sister and a small handful of other close friends of mine.

I stopped wearing my ring about a month ago and so when I’m with people who I know but don’t know about the sitch and notice the missing ring, I tell them. I’m just not out broadcasting the news. There are a few women in our circle (wives of some of my riding buddies) who are big gossips. I haven’t told them, nor do I want to at this point.

As far as “what” is public knowledge, that really is just the fact that we are separated. I’ve not discussed my W’s EA/PA, except with my sister who I am very close with. The way I see it, I don’t need to create undo pain and suffering in my W with unnecessary disclosure of the details. I know there are some who feel differently about this but for me, this is the way I choose to handle this. I suppose time will tell if this is/was wise.

she says, "we need to get moving on selling our house."

Was this the first time this was mentioned explicitly during the last 10 months? I don't recall it having been an issue/goal before but maybe I missed it?

This is the first time she has brought this up specifically with regard to her being able to afford a house on her own. At the time she dropped the bomb, she had this idea that we would sell the house (it is too big and too expensive to maintain) and we’d each buy a house in the adjoining neighborhood...and presumably we’d live happily ever after.

She has been slowly working to clean out the junk that has accumulated over our 19 year marriage and so she may just now feel like the time is right to get things moving. The thing is, since I’ve gone considerably dim over the past several weeks, I have not been helping with much of anything. And so there is still quite a few maintenance/repair items that need to be attended to before we could put the house on the market.

It is clear from this discussion that after 10 months post bomb, 8 months since I moved out and 5 months since her near death experience, that she is not moving any closer to considering a R. In fact she seems more intent than ever in moving on. She is also a few short weeks away from her planned visit with the boys to see her family; minus me!

Yeah, man. Sounds like that is your brutal reality. So what is your plan to prevail over the next couple of months? =)

I have completed a thorough review of our finances and have determined that if things go south, we will both be fine financially. She can go live her dream of living in a house of her choosing away from me and I can do the same.

I'm nearing the end of my real estate sales training and so I've got that to look forward to. I've also had some pretty good success lately with my little real estate investment business, so that is a plus.

Recently, I joined a few Meetup groups, one of which is a bachata/salsa dance group. Surprising, even for me, I RSVP’d to an event for next Sunday. I am not a dancer...at all! So this is a huge risk for me. I’m hoping it will be fun. We shall see.