That doesn't sound good, imo...that feeling (as we both know) can interfere with things such as jobs, driving, judgement, etc...I don't know what to tell you about how to approach it with her if there is a concern...with my W it took quite a bit, including the kids input, before she looked at the possibility of her meds messing with her (and they were, badly...long story), and I have a degree and experience in psych (but I was the enemy at the time)...
Anyone have any advice/experience with how to broach this with his W???
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
The Xanax is addictive. Does she have a history of drinking? If she does she is at a higher risk of getting hooked. I'm surprised she was prescribed an anxiolitic? It is an excellent drug fior anxieties tho. It is also rare that psychiatrist will also provide therapy. My hunch is that her PC prescribed her those. The ambien is for sleep but maybe when the zoloft kicks in in a couple of weeks he'll just keep her on that. The Xanax can make her feel spaced out it's effect is similar to alcohol.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
She did not have any history of drinking with me. I have never seen her drunk. She would have a margarita, or glass of wine, or wine cooler, while we were entertaining or having fun in the sun. She rarely ever drank all of the first beverage.
I don't presume to know what her tendencies are now. I did notice she was keeping liquor in her car after ILYB. I saw 4 bottles of wine in her fridge on the 4th of July.
I could assume this or that but I don't KNOW anything.
I have not seen any glassy eyes or slurred speech. Only her report of how the meds made her feel. I did not pry or talk down to her. I just listened.
I trust that she would not put our S in any danger. But I will keep my eyes open.
What I will do if I do see something... I will consider any advice.
I don't think she was drinking and driving. I think she was hiding the liquor in her car. Drinking on the nights she was traveling for work and staying at hotels.
Drinking with who? Thats a question that still haunts me. I try to put it out of my mind.
Is she at risk of an open liquor charge? Would the vehicle be impounded if she was pulled over? What if she had your S with her in the vehicle and was pulled over with the booze in her car?
My dad said recently to me that he thought my W was having an affair. He finally realized that the affair she was having, was with the bottle.
Your W may be drinking WITH someone... then again, based on what you've posted... she could just as easily be drinking by herself...
Could be. I don't know the law. I think it would be ok to have a bottle in the trunk. I don't know that she still keeps it in her vehicle.
If there was an incident with the law, she would be in deep s-it. It is a company car.
I would define her as a good girl. An over achiever.
She has wanted to present a little bit of a bad girl look lately. A little purple ribbon tattoo on her shoulder (for the pancreatic cancer her mother had), painting her finger and toe nails black.
I just finished reading the book my FIL suggested.
It was geared toward married couples. You know "those people".
The lucky ones who both want to work things out.
It was a good read anyway.
It was aimed at the H. Saying that most of the trouble in the M could be traced back to him. Not treating your wife gentle enough. Not putting her first. (Behind God.) Not asking for forgiveness. Being critical.
Thats what I took from it anyway. The areas that applied to me.
I think I will ask for forgiveness. It is something I have not done. Sure I have said I'm sorry. And I am. For many things.
But I don't know that I have ever in my entire marriage asked for forgiveness. It never occured to me that saying "I'm sorry", and "would you forgive me" are two separate things.
To a man maybe not. But according to this book they are totally different in a woman's eyes.
I'm sorry could mean sorry I got caught, sorry you called me out on it, sorry you got mad about it...etc.
Do I think she deserves to hear these words come out of my mouth? Yeah, after the careless way I treated her feelings, and my critical comments. She deserves to hear it for the first time.
Most importantly I think asking for forgiveness will realease me, at least partially, from my guilt/mistakes. Regardless of her response.
I will think on it for a little while. My words seem to get jumbled most of the time when trying to do something heartfelt. Maybe a letter. Dunno.
It will be a little tough. I know how to say sorry. Done it a thousand times. Asking for forgiveness. Hmph. That's a new concept for me.
Also there was praise. That is something I didn't do enough. I was quick to point out the seldom, random things that erked me. But showing appreciation for the multitude of things one should be grateful for, not so much.
You live and learn. I feel excited about the changes I am making in my life. I am a better person because of this experience.
My H would say he was sorry anytime I'd mentioned something that hurt me, but he never seemed to stop doing whatever it was, so sorry didn't really mean much to me. It was as if he said it because he thought he was supposed to.
I think that asking for forgiveness implies that you understand that what you did was wrong and you're taking the steps to rectify that.
Just don't expect a response from her. Do it because it will make you feel better and allow you to move on and grow.
And while you're reading, you may want to check out the 5 Languages of Apology, from Dr. Chapman, the same person who wrote the 5LL. I determined that for me, hearing I'm sorry did nothing unless the person accepted responsibility for their actions.
I'm not sure if that's why I never believed H's apologies or if his apologies are the reason I'm that way, but it's a pretty interesting book.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
W has been calling after 9:00pm to tell S goodnite. When I say after 9 I am talking about 9:20 or 9:30. Not every nite but it has turned into 50% of the time now.
9:00 is the bedtime that we set while we were together.
I have been hinting that she should call earlier by letting her know that he is already in bed, when she calls late.
She then asks if he is asleep and I say no because he isn't. I then let her say goodnite.
She called tonite at 9:40. He was already asleep and I let her know that. She then says that I should have had him call her before he went to bed.
I tell her that "I will not call her at his bedtime unless he asks to do so. I put him to bed at 9:00 and I would like your calls to be before or at that time. It is something that has bothered me and I should have said something sooner."
She says that she works until after 9:00 on the days that I have him. And that she has him call me at bedtime on her days.
I say "yes, you are right, but I call before 9:00pm and he is busy playing and he says he will call me when he gets in bed."
This is usually around 10:00. I don't have a problem when she sets bedtime at her place, but I do call everynite before the bedtime we set together.
She says "whatever, have him call me in the morning".
We did not get heated, but I could tell she was ticked.
