It just sux to have all this work amount to squat as it relates to my W.
Yeah, it does. However, how far you've come should make it all worth it. I'd rather be you than your W. quite frankly. You can't look to your W for validation or invalidation. Discern the lie, and trust the truth. I understand, though, our Ws were at one time the source of truth. No more. Unfortuantely, they may still have the uncanny ability to get us wrapped in the lie.