Neither time, nor accepting your feelings, nor being grateful for having her (or him) in your life or having such a relationship, nor any empty, irrelevant suggestion people make will make you "feel" any better. Because these soothing suggestions are as palliative as Tylenol is to a stab-wound. Where whatever we try misses the point starts, among many other things (most of which are a mystery to me) by some misconceptions.




First we have understand that love is ownership, and that you have lost the rights to your property. Even though people elevate it (love) to sublime heights, it (love) just is a violent and possessive obsession over another person. The intensity of which is proven post split up.




Second, in my experience, it seems to me that such relationships (the sounds of which yours belongs to), are pretty hectic and painful all along. While we like to delude ourselves, "post-mortem" in a way, if you think about it, your life was hell during the relationship. If it wasn't constant fights, there was the involuntary obsessive demand for attention that you couldn't help but dedicate to that person. In most cases this attention varies from paralyzing (jealousy, continuous check up, sms - where are you, what are you doing etc) to a continuous nagging and a needing of being in the other's presence to the point that solitude is not the same anymore. Can you really tell me that you were "pain-free" during that time?




Also, we seem to focus too much on how good we *Feel* as opposed to the contents of life. This is more prevalent to very strong or very weak types. The mediocre ones are selfish enough and have figured this out long ago, genetically in a sense. They desire and consequently feel less in life (what ghosts!). To them a break-up is a bit too-spicy bite in life, which they get over fairly easily and move on to their next bland, socially comfortable position. I am referring to the strong types here (and in this entire post). You have to come to terms and realize that you never *feel* exactly good about your possession. The moments of good feelings are ephemeral and they usually occur during the transitory point of a new conquest. But new thirst and pain soon arises as you strive for more. The point is that you have to understand that *feeling* is a smoke mirror and the underlying mechanism is something else.




A cure I can imagine (and worked for me) is to find something new to obsesses about. Try setting a challenging goal for yourself, start a difficult project, start working out and obsess about yourself, learn something new and challenging. Difficult goals require the same mindset that a strong obsessive types naturally have. This way, your drive does not end up destroying you, but works to your benefit. And it should be so for strong-willed people. Looking back you will laugh at yourself now. But at least this way there will be substantial fulfillment and complete self-dependency. And there is no-one better to love than onself. wink As far as pain... it will only make you stronger, if you can only learn how to digest it properly.




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