It's not that I'm against D, I just don't think threats of any kind should be used as a tactic.
It's not a threat, it's jks standing up for what she believes, living with a code of conduct and accepting that love is a choice. It's also will build her self esteem. Most LBS lose it when they receive the bomb.
No one likes to be dumped. This is jks dumping her H and reversing the dynamics. Look at all the LBSs here trying to make their R work after being dump or cheated on.
I'm not advocatign D. I believe in M. However a M only works when two people both want it to.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I was just reading another thread how any emotion from the WAS is good. My H shows no emotion. He generally is very indifferent towards me. I feel like that is my cue. For him to open up his entire family to this woman like she's THE ONE he's going to spend the rest of his life with is also another cue.
I'm tired of having a M this way. I don't see him coming back to me. He's getting himself too far gone with her. And I cannot ignore the whole religion thing. There's really just too much to have to overcome and I don't see H having that desire at all.
My hope for us is fading now.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
I'm with labug, the example of patience and perseverance. Jks doesn't sound emotionally ready to dump H.
Maybe make the pros and cons list of moving/not moving? Sometimes it's easier to think when it's laid out before you on paper.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
I just have to say, I don't think parenting by Skype is an answer but that's an issue for another message board.
When I say things will look different down the road, I'm not saying he will have changed his mind and come home. Or that you won't want to end the marriage.
I'm saying YOU will have changed.
If you're done, you're done. Pull the trigger.
But keep working on you. Moving won't make you happier, changing jobs won't make you happier, more family around you might not make you happier. That can only come from inside you.
Have you ever thought of volunteering? With your skills maybe you could do photos for people who would never be able to afford something like that. Just a thought.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I don't see him coming back to me. He's getting himself too far gone with her.
Still in the PEA part of the A.
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And I cannot ignore the whole religion thing.
core value.
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There's really just too much to have to overcome and I don't see H having that desire at all.
Disrespectful Judgement and mind reading.
take today to do something for yourself. Be the warrior, you can handle this.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I also think you need to consider that a court may not let you move away with the kids, especially if your H has been a good father and active in their lives and has provided significant financial support. I would ask a lawyer about this first before you base your decisions on whether to move away. Just being practical.
That's true. I had my first son out of wedlock and had to sign and say I wouldn't leave a tri-county area. I eventually did leave after taking child support from my son's father for three years, cashing the check and giving him the cash back. Thus he had a paper trail showing he paid child support but was actually using the money for himself. He was willing to let me leave when I requested at our son's age six. He was minimally involved with his son. Took him to lunch once a week on Monday. That was it.
It can be difficult to move away. I forgot about that.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
jks, Sorry to see you hurting so much. My wife has also rejected our faith since she left, its been very hard for me to deal with b/c i've always considered her a "better" person than me and now to watch her not care is painful. She may still believe, but hasn't been to a service since so I dont know where she is really.
And I think thats the point, just keep working on you, I too have had feelings recently that it may be pointless and maybe I should just tell her I agree with her and lets get the D over with and move along, but until your really at that point mentally its not time. I have brief thoughts of it, but know in my heart im not there yet.
As for the emotionless spouse, my wife is a very emotional person, but lately with me shows nothing. Its either the best poker face ever, or she's over it. I dont know which and won't try to mind read, but I had a really good friend tell me the other day that no matter how she looks out with friends, or how she acts around me, in their quiet moments, they at least have to question if this is right. And thats why you GAL, move forward for yourself, and maybe in one of those quiet moments when they think about things.....they see you differently from when they left.
If your angry, bitter, resentful, pursuing....any of those things and they have that quiet moment of reflection thats what they see you being today and it only reinforces to them that they've made the right decision.
