In home separation? Off / On? Still WAW? Dunno

[breakdownbill]

Hi Chatterbug

I seen your post late last night and needed to go back through this thread to appreciate what you were saying.

Firstly, you are right I'm not ready, well not prepared for the outcomes at least anyway.

I re-read what I posted...

I was going to bring up an R talk and say something like this...

W I've been thinking about what you said, that we didn't get any closer on holiday & I think that we have both put up a wall that stops us from making any progress in either working things out or going our separate ways.

I've tried to give you space & had time to think what would help our situation.

For me, I can't continue in any relationship with you whilst you are still in contact with the OM. It doesn't matter to me if you say nothing is going on anymore, because it does 2 things for me.

firstly it prevents me from even trying to re-gain any trust for you, and secondly it shows that you have no respect for me as your H.

If we were to try & work through our issues I would need you to agree to NC with the OM (give up that dance class) and to go to MC.

I will understand if you don't want to do these things, but please understand that I am no longer willing to stay in this M the way things are and if you continue to see the OM I will be filing soon /seeking legal advice / Moving out.

Yeah it's too much, I agree it needs to be more like what you posted - to the point and not a statement based on conditions.

I've been a bit caught up in what I want these past few days.

I'm about to start my teacher training in Sept - which is basically 2 yrs worth of work crammed into 38 weeks.

What i'm trying to say is that, i'm gonna be struggling to spend time with my kids, let alone be emotionally available on any meaningful level.

Let's say I throw it out to my W and she does want to work on things, but I can't give enough time to give it a real go.

Timing shouldn't get in the way of doing what you want to do, but it's playing on my mind.

Maybe i'm looking into stuff a bit too much, but I want to speak to someone about how legal separation and my options before I have that conversation.

I accept that I don't want to be in this situation anymore, and that realisation of knowing I don't have to be, has led me to ask more questions of myself.

I really appreciate your advice and I'm getting there, I just need to figure out my plans for either outcome, before I'm ready to play my hand.

Bill