W told me she is done & doesn't love me anymore-P3

[reachingHigher]

This is a shot in the dark, but I wanted to add my 2c.

I've exhibited many of the symptoms like your wife but to a more mild degree. About 10 years ago, we tried to adopt a more healthy diet. In doing so, we added more whole grains (mainly whole wheat). Apparently, I developed an allergy to it and went downhill mentally and physically.

It was baffling because the rest of my family was thriving. At one point, my H said he would pay $10K to find out what was wrong with me.

About three years ago I removed all nightshades and gluten from my diet. After about a year of detox, I now live peacefully and my health has never been better.

Of course, it's a huge sacrifice to eat this way, but what price for mental and physical health?

I couldn't help but want to share this when I read the list of your wife's symptoms.

Like I said....a shot in the dark....but just wanted you to know this possibility.

[Snowman]

reachinghigher-Thanks for the suggestion but I don't think it is diet. My wife has tried many different diets in her impulsive ways with no change. At this point she wouldn't listen to me anyway if I suggested such a thing.

I have not typed all my W's behavior but there is story after story to share. The more I research the more I know that she has it. She has well over the required number of symptoms according to the DSM evaluations that clinicians use to diagnose. I have found a lady who blogs about her own BPD and her symptoms per the DSM criteria and my W sounds so close to her it is scary. This is not a problem that just popped up rather it has been there the whole time. I feel like I have been so abused I don't know a healthy relationship if I saw one.

At this point I need to heal and detach so I can continue on. She will not get help because she has pushed all those people that love her and know her out of her life. She is now dressing extremely promiscuous and has yet again had a pic posted with another guy as told to my sister by a person I barely know nor talked to.

I will confirm my thoughts with a professional but it would take a drastic different idea that fits the many symptoms to be convinced otherwise. This is so hard to explain to others because I am the one that has lived so close to it so long I got use to it and others only saw things here and there.

I will keep you all posted.

[sayitaintso]

At this point I need to heal and detach so I can continue on.

How do you plan on doing this Snow?

[Snowman]

No contact except for S coordination. Set boundaries with help and advice of Counselor. That's my plan for now.

[Snowman]

Update-Went to first counseling to discuss borderline personality disorder and my emotional abuse from it.

I have been abused so long I was convinced of so many things by my W that I can't believe it. I'm definitively done with my marriage. My counselor whole heartedly agreed on the BPD and starting saying things a person with BPD would do before I told my counselor and I had numerous examples throughout my marriage to fit it. I know a person or counselor can't diagnose it but many high functioning BPDs will never get help and will lie/manipulate to not do so. This is a very complicated personality disorder especially when they are high functioning.

My W is pretty much textbook BPD. I have experience so much anger and manipulation that I have pretty much compromised on all aspects of life. I told my counselor I need to work through those things and make sure I don't take that perception with me to my next relationship.

I feel a sense of relief from knowing all this craziness was not me. I'm not saying I don't have my own problems but I will and have owned up to them as I discussed with my counselor. My W has not owned up to one single thing and has projected all her problems which is classic and has done that our entire marriage it just got worse through this.

I could type a novel of what I have learned but needless to say most marriages don't survive BPD. Mine won't and most people in my other support forum say that you would have to be prepared to never receive support or being help the rest of your life. They just have to much inner pain to be able to help others or be equals in a relationship. Sad but true.

Anyway, I have some work to do on me to get me back to healthy self esteem and my view of normal relationships.

[chatterbug]

Snow. I will give you a hand on that. I have some experience.

One of the most important things to learn is to figure out how you let it happen.

[Snowman]

Chatterbug-That is the truth, I do need to figure out how I got here. That's definitely why I'm going to counseling. Dont want to take how I got here with me to next relationship or carry it in my life.

I'm thankful for all the support I got here and continue to get here. There are truly great people out there. I have found another group that is part of the bpdcentral website for people that have BPD people in there life's. Glad there are so many great people in this world.