How many licks does it take...?

[2thepoint]

Weekend update:

I met with my IC on Friday. I wasn't particularly looking forward to the session because I really didn't feel like I had much to talk about. However the session turned out better than expected. Aside from discussing the events of the previous few weeks and gaining some valued perspective, my C made the odd comment that he thought I should write a book. He said that I had lived a very interesting life and that I have a gift for story telling. Flattered as I was, I often view these types of comments as faint praise; not feeling worthy of such distinction. OTOH, I have always wanted to write a book, though I don't believe I have ever mentioned this to my C. I'll have to think about this idea.

My C also informed me that he was forming a men's group and was curious if I would be interested in joining the group and possibly even serving as a co-facilitator. He said I am "hi-functioning" though I'm not sure what he meant by that. He said that the men's group would consist of some of his clients and others from around the professional community. He said the group would focus on mens issues; professional, personal, and recreational and that it would evolve over time.

I was flattered that my C viewed me as someone who could contribute to such an endeavor and am actually looking forward to hearing more about this. And, clearly this would be a welcomed addition to my GAL.

Speaking of which... I had a pretty good weekend on the GAL front. Friday evening I played cards with friends. For various reasons I have missed the past several gatherings but am glad I was finally able to get back with these guys and loosen up a bit.

Saturday morning I went for a 14 mile mountain bike ride with several of my buddies. I hadn't been on my bike since January due mostly to wanting to avoid discussing my sitch. I live in a fairly tight knit community and really don't want to be the subject of gossip. Anyway, the ride was good and I did surprisingly well especially considering I was operating on less than 3 hours sleep, (note to self - don't drink iced tea at 10pm the night before an early morning bike ride ).

Saturday evening my roommate and I made a fantastic meal of some king mackerel that he caught on a fishing trip 2 days previous. That along with baked steak fries, steamed green beans and a couple glasses of wine and a few shots of tequila, and the day was complete! I also learned that a bachelor can in fact make a healthy meal, (pretend you didn't read the part about the tequila shots! )

This morning S10 and I went to church, then breakfast, then at the invitation of my W, we went to the gym to hang by the pool with her and some close family friends. I should have known better!

During a quiet moment my W mentions that the house next door sold recently. I told her I knew and also told her how much it sold for and she says, "we need to get moving on selling our house." I asked her where she would live and she says she wants to live in a neighboring subdivision. She then said "I don't know how much 'I' can afford."

It is clear from this discussion that after 10 months post bomb, 8 months since I moved out and 5 months since her near death experience, that she is not moving any closer to considering a R. In fact she seems more intent than ever in moving on. She is also a few short weeks away from her planned visit with the boys to see her family; minus me!

This of course makes me sad. I have been doing everything I can to improve myself, improve my relationship with my children and my W all the while, trying to improve my outlook on life. It has taken me a long time to reach this stage of renewal and acceptance. It just sux to have all this work amount to squat as it relates to my W.

So onward I march, looking to the future; hoping and praying that my life only gets better and I can hold my head high knowing that I did everything I could to save myself and my
M and my M.

Someday however, someone else will benefit from my growth. Unfortunately it doesn't look like my W will be part of the equation. I guess it is time to start implementing my exit strategy.