How many licks does it take...?

[Cadet]

She seems to use them as a means to avoid or limit adult contact. In social settings where there are children and adults present, I'd say she will spend 60% of her time socializing with the children.

Maybe she likes to socialize with kids her own age.....

How old do you think she is?

[labug]

I think some people like babies and little kids, no more, no less.

Perhaps she has difficulty chatting with people she doesn't really know or who are very casual acquaintances. Is she shy? Is she in introvert or an extrovert?

[nhmom]

Maybe kids like your W? I find that whenever I am around small children, they usually flock to me and I end up playing with them. Most adults don't give kids much attention, and maybe they like it when they actually do?

[2thepoint]

Yes, I think kids are attracted to my W. However, I think that the reason has more to do with her tendency to focus her attention on children more so than adults. So by default, because the children crave the attention and because the adults tend to prefer adult conversation with other adults, the kids will gravitate to my W.

And to the question about whether or not my W in an introvert, the answer is yes.

==================================

Sunday turned out to be a miserable day. It had everything to do with planning or the lack thereof. My W has a tendency to put off things until the last minute. It has always been a source of extreme frustration for me. Sunday was no different. She texts me early in the morning inquiring about the plan for the day and quite literally needing me at the house within 15 minutes of her text.

I was quite angry. She had several other options that would have worked out just as well if not better and had she done some advanced planning, things could have worked out beautifully.

So without going into specific detail about the situation, lets just say that my W and I both need to work on effective planning and communication. That will be my goal for the immediate future.

Oh, one other thing that really bothers me. W and I were at a small gathering of mutual friends and acquaintances and W needed to leave to pick up S14 from paintball. We were literally 30 feel away and rather than walk over to tell me she was leaving, she sends me a text. What's up with that? A little avoidant?

[sayitaintso]

So without going into specific detail about the situation, lets just say that my W and I both need to work on effective planning and communication. That will be my goal for the immediate future.

How do you plan on accomplishing this?

[sayitaintso]

Oh, one other thing that really bothers me. W and I were at a small gathering of mutual friends and acquaintances and W needed to leave to pick up S14 from paintball. We were literally 30 feel away and rather than walk over to tell me she was leaving, she sends me a text. What's up with that? A little avoidant?

That would annoy me as well but we know better than to mindread or even try to use logic or reason w/ a WAS.

[2thepoint]

So without going into specific detail about the situation, lets just say that my W and I both need to work on effective planning and communication. That will be my goal for the immediate future.

How do you plan on accomplishing this?

Well is ain't gonna be easy! She will send a text that supposedly provides detail about an event or planned activity that is often missing some critical piece of information. When challenged on this, she will claim with a completely straight face that that information was contained in the text as well. I've stopped fighting her on this because it's just like pulling off a scab and adding salt to the wound.

I have an IC appointment later this week. I will use that time to develop a strategy for dealing with the communication and planning issue. Of course, I could just file for D and put the wheels in motion that will bring all of this to a final conclusion. Not sure I'm ready for that yet. We'll see.

[chatterbug]

You need to either take mindreading 101 and read between the lines...

Or decide that this is your problem. As she does not have an issue with this. Only you.

So instead of complaining about missing info.

Just reply with a validation on the info saying this is what you understand. And if there is anything else that you need to know.

So its up to her to supply that info again.

If she does not then forget about it. As it will be her problem if something is missed due to her lack of communication skills.

[2thepoint]

Weekend update:

I met with my IC on Friday. I wasn't particularly looking forward to the session because I really didn't feel like I had much to talk about. However the session turned out better than expected. Aside from discussing the events of the previous few weeks and gaining some valued perspective, my C made the odd comment that he thought I should write a book. He said that I had lived a very interesting life and that I have a gift for story telling. Flattered as I was, I often view these types of comments as faint praise; not feeling worthy of such distinction. OTOH, I have always wanted to write a book, though I don't believe I have ever mentioned this to my C. I'll have to think about this idea.

My C also informed me that he was forming a men's group and was curious if I would be interested in joining the group and possibly even serving as a co-facilitator. He said I am "hi-functioning" though I'm not sure what he meant by that. He said that the men's group would consist of some of his clients and others from around the professional community. He said the group would focus on mens issues; professional, personal, and recreational and that it would evolve over time.

I was flattered that my C viewed me as someone who could contribute to such an endeavor and am actually looking forward to hearing more about this. And, clearly this would be a welcomed addition to my GAL.

Speaking of which... I had a pretty good weekend on the GAL front. Friday evening I played cards with friends. For various reasons I have missed the past several gatherings but am glad I was finally able to get back with these guys and loosen up a bit.

Saturday morning I went for a 14 mile mountain bike ride with several of my buddies. I hadn't been on my bike since January due mostly to wanting to avoid discussing my sitch. I live in a fairly tight knit community and really don't want to be the subject of gossip. Anyway, the ride was good and I did surprisingly well especially considering I was operating on less than 3 hours sleep, (note to self - don't drink iced tea at 10pm the night before an early morning bike ride ).

Saturday evening my roommate and I made a fantastic meal of some king mackerel that he caught on a fishing trip 2 days previous. That along with baked steak fries, steamed green beans and a couple glasses of wine and a few shots of tequila, and the day was complete! I also learned that a bachelor can in fact make a healthy meal, (pretend you didn't read the part about the tequila shots! )

This morning S10 and I went to church, then breakfast, then at the invitation of my W, we went to the gym to hang by the pool with her and some close family friends. I should have known better!

During a quiet moment my W mentions that the house next door sold recently. I told her I knew and also told her how much it sold for and she says, "we need to get moving on selling our house." I asked her where she would live and she says she wants to live in a neighboring subdivision. She then said "I don't know how much 'I' can afford."

It is clear from this discussion that after 10 months post bomb, 8 months since I moved out and 5 months since her near death experience, that she is not moving any closer to considering a R. In fact she seems more intent than ever in moving on. She is also a few short weeks away from her planned visit with the boys to see her family; minus me!

This of course makes me sad. I have been doing everything I can to improve myself, improve my relationship with my children and my W all the while, trying to improve my outlook on life. It has taken me a long time to reach this stage of renewal and acceptance. It just sux to have all this work amount to squat as it relates to my W.

So onward I march, looking to the future; hoping and praying that my life only gets better and I can hold my head high knowing that I did everything I could to save myself and my
M and my M.

Someday however, someone else will benefit from my growth. Unfortunately it doesn't look like my W will be part of the equation. I guess it is time to start implementing my exit strategy.

[2thepoint]

I had intended to include the following in my post. This was included in the sermon from Sunday's church service and it seems to fit well with people who are dealing with the fallout of a marriage in disarray.

Discern the lie
- About your worth
- About your failures
- About your purpose

Trust the truth
- About your worth
- About your failures
- About your purpose

For those who feel like worthless failures and are struggling to find a purpose in their lives. I hope the above provides some encouragement and food for thought.