Good stuff, Arsene. I really think there's lots to consider for you.
Culturally, there is some huge stuff. Even though you've integrated and the two of you have blended over the years, there does sound like something there.
I'm going to go straight to the MLC for now. I do not know if "giving" to the community is necessarily an MLC trait. In the more traditional, western sense, MLC is more selfish.
So consider that it sounds like she switched to Buddhism as a selfish act, as she THOUGHT she might find enlightenment and happiness in Buddhism, yet never followed through because she could not concentrate on meditation (possibly MLC confusion which "fogs" the mind).
Overt anger can also be a trait of MLC as can be infidelity. Also, her switching to Buddhism from Muslim would be a way to protect herself (selfish) from ostracism by the Muslim faith as a result of her A, or in order to feel OK with having the A. For the man, he would have possibly been religiously safe having a relationship with her.
I am by no means anything near well versed in these religious things, so I'm only going by the little I think I know.
From what I know, Buddhism is not about "nothing matters". That would again be her interpretation that would help her justify what she was doing and how she is thinking.
If your W is MLC, then she could be at the beginning of replay. This could take some time, two or more years, possibly. This is where your patience will be put to the test and IMHO, embracing Buddhism and meditating will be quite valuable for you. If she's not chasing a D and is OK the way things are (hopefully she doesn't really start running), then you could be in a good position.
I'm going to pull the rug out from the MLC idea, though. Because her going out and helping within the community and looking again at her roots, she could simply be in a life transition. Personally, I think that is a much better place for you to work from.
And not intended to give you hope, a transition often is not as long as MLC. Transitions can take a year or two if allowed to progress and process.
Still, you need to give her the space she wants / needs in order for her to figure out who she is. That really does seem to be what she is after and not actually in a crises. Be there for her if she needs you (at a moment), yet she needs to learn to fish for herself.
This is all my opinion and I advise you to take it with a grain of salt.
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You ask if I still believe what I wrote back in Mar/11? The simple answer is yes. Although I'll qualify that by saying what I wrote was very convoluted, which given my emotional state at the time, is understandable.
In essence, I was writing about resistance. How resistance (negative emotions generally based on fears) are barriers to growth. And how without resistance, friendship (trust) allows us to become vulnerable to romance (intimacy) which can lead to a re-commitment.
Consider it from a framework of unconditional love. There's a pervasive and persistent debate throughout humankind as to what love is, where it comes from, whether it is a choice or a feeling, etc.
When we consider unconditional love, it is understood that love comes from our centre, our soul, our Qi (Ch'i). It simply is part of us. It is our brain which makes the choice to overtly love or not to love or behave in loving ways. That is our place of resistance. Once we get resistance out of our way, then the rest is just a natural progression if both parties wish.
Hope that makes sense. Not sure if that is helpful for you, in any way.
