Thread #8 - It's time.

[Starsky309]

Laziness is one thing. Not calling your own, small children for several days when you're out of town is quite another.

OK, I'll qualify it: Right now, what a horrible mother she is being.


Starsky

[Navyguy]

Yeah, I can live with that statement. Still haven't heard from her. I think I'll just stay "dark".

[greenblue90]

She's most likely trying to escape as much as she can while she is away. Don't be surprised if it hits her like a ton of bricks when she gets back, and resorts to old methods of intimidation to get you to comply and let her have her way.

Remember for now an amicable separation is your goal. Depending on how much she changes in the next few months then maybe you can start looking at a reconciliation.

I also recommend you make a list of what you want in your marriage. She may come back trying to negotiate some sort of crazy deal where she gives you very little in exchange for a lot of sacrifices on your part.

Your mindset from now on should be: "I want the following, and will not settle, even for you W"

[bustingout]

Hi navy- what you wrote about W not calling kids resonates deeply with me. My H can go weeks without calling and I don't understand it at all. I used to facilitate but stopped doing that unless they ask, which is not often. I get conflicted on how to handle it as well.

[Starsky309]

She's most likely trying to escape as much as she can while she is away. Don't be surprised if it hits her like a ton of bricks when she gets back, and resorts to old methods of intimidation to get you to comply and let her have her way.

Remember for now an amicable separation is your goal. Depending on how much she changes in the next few months then maybe you can start looking at a reconciliation.

I also recommend you make a list of what you want in your marriage. She may come back trying to negotiate some sort of crazy deal where she gives you very little in exchange for a lot of sacrifices on your part.

Your mindset from now on should be: "I want the following, and will not settle, even for you W"

GREAT advice . . . all of it. ^^^^




Starsky

[Navyguy]

W should be home any minute here...

Pretty sad when a man is worried about what its going to be like when his W comes home.

[Valeska19]

Pretty sad when a man is worried about what its going to be like when his W comes home.

I remember this feeling well. The fear isn't created overnight.. and unfortunately won't go away overnight.

BUT this feeling is under your control... and you can CHOOSE to fight it if you want to.

[greenblue90]

I don't know if it's too late, but be nice, but not accomodating. If she needs help with luggage help her out, if she starts implying or demanding you need to wait on her because she is tired (ie too tired from partying) just tell her something like that's too bad, and walk away. If she tries to start a fight because you walk away tell her it's because you are learning to detach from here, and that includes "over helping her"

[25yearsmlc]

I am interested in EE too. Let me know how it goes for you. 25, is it like EST or Landmark Forum"

Unbidden, hey!. I attended EE long ago and then went back as a "Team" member several times as other friends/family also attended. We seem to have a lot of happy campers so I have no hesitation recommending it AND it has a lot of themes in it that are consistent with DBing.

I happened to attend Landmark and EST and

EE is NOT like either of them. but I am not putting those other programs down. Landmark, for me, was too commercially driven (kept asking me to come back and spend more money to 'learn the other thing') and I felt too squeezed into recruiting as well. But I know some people who got a lot out of it.

EST is different in too many ways to count, but I know some who got value out of that as well. I've attended these and Imago and all I can say is,

Please check out Essential Experience's website for their info b/c they do a better job at explaining it.

I found it to be more profound and deeper than the others...and yes it changed my life.


The real value in it lies in the changes others see in your life.

The changes my h saw in me when I got off the plane and in the next few months, convinced HIM to go and he's NOT the type to go these things.

He felt that it was the "best gift anyone had ever gotten [him]."

Anyhow here's the deal-don't fear a dramatic UPHEAVAL b/c that's not always what is needed.

We can change our lives incrementally, and then find that years later, we are in a vastly different place than if we had not made those small consistent changes.

I think of it Like an angle changing only a few degrees, but if you draw the line out, it gets you to a much different place a decade later...(Wish I could draw that out).

So, Unbidden, check it out. Autumn Leaves attended it and got a lot out of it.

My summary would be to say that the goal of a personal growth workshop

for ME,

was to gain clarity and peace, and to learn how to live a life of intention.

EE helped me do that. And It did a lot of good for my h, as a man and as a partner. We continue to suggest it for friends/family (NO we do not get a kickback)

and want our son to attend b/c he's considering marriage. We want him to have the tools we were not born with, and had not learned til it was ALMOST too late.

Good luck all, and Navy-you are in my prayers!!!

(((( ))))

[unbidden]

I checked out their website and will try to go. After next weekend, the next one doesn't appear to be until next February or so. I hope I can survive that long I trust your recs, I'm also a lawyer and former JAG. Really appreciate your advice.