Yes, I do love him and want to save my marriage. But, with a new beginning including forgiveness, communication, trust, and the better parts of him brought forward, and yes the necessary help for his depression.
Do I think he want's a D, no! And, I really hope that doesn't sound nieve, but I want to be honest on these boards and learn from my mistakes as I go. He has said he is a big coward, afraid to start over again @ 52 with our equity loss, and still living in our starter home. By the way no body else has ever told him we hate our home or need to move.
Since his MLC started H puts a monetary value on his accomplishments, our life, our home, everything is inadequate. He rewrites history as if he made all the right choices but "something" got in his way". Would-a, Should-a, Could-a, and why didn't I (me) make things happen.
Do I think he want's a D, no! I thinks he wants to feel in control of his life, is unable to handle stress, wants attention ( he tells everyone his life story), and thinks that life is better on the other side because he blew it being a "nice guy" his words, and it seems as if the bad guys always get ahead. He calls himself stupid if he left. But, shouldn't 23yrs be enough, he doesn't want to get old.
Borrowed Quote: My husband still does not understand why I didn't kick him out on his butt when I found out about his infidelity. I told him that at that point, I refused to make any more decisions for him. It seemed that I had become more like his mother than a wife during our marriage and that I had to make most of the decisions, from what we were having for dinner to all our financial decisions, to all the decisions dealing with our children. He expected that I would make the decision about whether he would stay or leave. That would make it easy for him because he could blame me for kicking him out!
What I want at this point, our 3rd yr into this, is a life. No more anxiety, no more loneliness in a room full of people, no more walking on egg shells. I want a healthy positive look on life with some fun mixed in, respect, loyalty, and above all honesty. Can I get that from him again, I'm trying, if only he can come back from behind the mirror he can see what's in front of him again.
Friday he told me he is turning in the letter of resignation I drafted 5yrs ago. WHAT IS THAT? Things were good then, wanted him home @ night, to get a day job. I wanted my H after 20yrs of working nights to be home with me. I also started to suspect that working that long at night was making him loopy.
I don't know how to react, I don't want to be the one who makes the final choice for him, so I said nothing. I just validated his statement. I feel the reasons for him leaving are not the positive, new adventure, being closer to me/family again, reasons from before. I'm afraid it's the MLC and all that is attributed with that.
Getting off nights could be a healthy start to a healthy mind. Am I reaching?
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
