With all the loss of life this past week, it makes me pause and realize how precious life is. I wish I had fought harder in my marriage and worked daily to be the kind of wife I needed to be. I wish I had not waited until we were on life support to try DB. It's too late for me now, and I will live with that regret.
Hi April, Back on Oct, an acquaintance committed suicide. Then in Dec, H's cousin's H died suddenly. This was such a realization for me. I wrote a letter to H titled, what if you had died. On it I wrote what if he had died instead of had an affair. This helped me to appreciate him now. I practiced the LLs on him from then on. First with the intent of getting him back then it just stuck to me and I continued. Now it just comes natural. I think, well if it doesn't bring him back, it's good practice for me for the next relationship I'm in.
Also, the weekends used to be really rough for me as well. Especially when H takes the kids but I have found things to do by myself. I read a lot on Al Anon literature. I pray, read the bible, meditate, journal. I relish this time because I don't get much time for myself with 2 little ones.
After reading so much on affairs and MLCs and getting him back, I am finally reading on how I can recover from all of this. I wish you all the best on your journey. I am finally at a part of the journey where I can see the light. The light to me is serenity. If H n I reconcile, that's a bonus but it's no longer my goal.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
