Needing some guidance... 5

[reachingHigher]

Oh, jks, just saw your post! I'm so sorry! So much pain. I known what you mean about wanting to be with our H's because they are SO nice!

I said goodbye to mine a couple of hours ago and when he got to HP (45 minute ride) he saw he forgot his keys here so had to embarrassingly call me and I met him halfway. It was nice he hung out with me a few minutes before leaving again.

I know what you mean about the powerful love from H. I remember standing up in church testimonial time saying God gave me H so I could understand God's
Love. I'm amazed you don't feel estranged from God right now. I really respect that in you.

I wouldn't at all say H's love for you wasn't real! Even my H says he appreciates the years we had together. We just "grew apart".

That is just Giant Despair talking to you. Don't go there. It WAS real. You were both young and learning and growing. H has seen a lot in his profession that has changed him, you said. Maybe he has taken it harder than some because he IS so very, very nice. The pain he sees at work sometimes goes deeper into his soul?

You need to believe you are a beautiful powerful young woman! You are amazing! You are NOT walking away from it all. You are staying and working and growing. You can sleep with a clear conscience. That is no small thing.

See if you can get out of the house tonight. I'm going to a free concert in a local university town. Its a simple acoustic one. I've been afraid before to go alone but I'm ready now, I'm going to take H's 'Stang and feel the wind in my hair and listen to the music and a little part of me will heal tonight.

Let me know what you decide to do........lots of hugs to you tonight!!!