Shedding a little tears right now as H drove away with the kids. He's so hard to NOT want to be with. He's just too nice and a good father and so many other things. Today he basically acted like nothing was wrong. He was happy.
I was nice and cordial and said my good-byes quickly and went inside. If I'm around him for too long I just want to be with him even more. I wish he was a horrible person. But he's not... I'm losing a great man.
The thing I've been trying to figure out throughout the last couple days, though, is if he's a great man for ME. To be honest, he's all I've ever known. He was my first boyfriend, my first love, and really everything I ever wanted in a H. I've known him since I was 16. Always had a crush on him. But didn't start dating him until we were 21. We were good friends before we ever dated and he pursued me when we first got together so I couldn't have asked for a better beginning. We married when we were 22 and now he's saying that at that time he was too young to be making those decisions and I feel like he thinks our whole M was a mistake. Like once he got to know the REAL me he never really liked me.
That is awful. From a person who already struggled with poor self-esteem and being insecure about her personality. That really just summed up all of my fears. I always loved him so much because I felt like he was the only person who knew the REAL me, weaknesses and all, and he still loved me. Well, it was a facade. It was a dream in my head that wasn't real.
Kinda just wish I could have another chance. But then again he makes the excuse that he doesn't think our personalities mesh well together. Can't argue that if that's what he believes. And now he has OW to compare me to and she finishes his sentences, for crying out loud... ugh... just sad today.
Gotta go find something to do.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
