LIO~ I want to start by saying you shouldn't feel embarrassed, I know I did too at first, but really this isn't your fault, so there is no reason for that. It helps once that realization sets in. As far as boundaries go, you have been given good advice. I totally agree with Kaffe, it seems like if you set boundaries the MLCer will see what it takes to cross them, again, our reoccurring theme, control. I guess they feel like they have none, so they try to control everything, I don't know. Case and point, that last talk I was forced into with H, all because I asked for the AC to be turned off.... control. My one boundary, no talks on work nights, well that went out the window because H was on the war path, again control. On the up side with that last talk I said some things I needed him to hear and I think shattered some fantasies he had in his head about how my life would be without him, or how we would be best buddies or something. Who knows, he's crazy right now. LOL You say you've been getting grief from friends, well we all do sometimes, friends or family they don't understand the MLCer either and are not happy that you are hurting, they have good intentions, but ultimately it's your decision, it's their decision to be supportive or not, but you need to do what YOU want to do. Trying to save one's marriage is NOT easy, and is not the norm in our disposable society, but that isn't going to stop me from trying my best to do it. No matter the outcome, I need to be able to look back and say I did everything possible to save my marriage, because I need to be able to sleep at night. I know God has a plan, whether I like it or not, which so far, I have not LOL, but He has a plan none the less.
Home Front Update~ H is being oddly nice to me... seems like the man I used to know today, it's nice, but sad at the same time, because I know it won't last. I saw him some this morning and then he left. I went to the gym, and there he was. I didn't pay any attention, focused on my workout, and eventually noticed he had left. When I got home he was in the living room. He said something about buying more milk and apologized because he didn't realize I had already bought some, I said that was ok we will use it. I said I was going to go out and mow the grass. He said why, it's dead? I said will there are some long parts. He's like oh never mind, I shouldn't have said anything. I said, no it's fine, I didn't really feel like doing it anyway, if you think it looks fine then ok. (I was quite cheery during this conversation). I said I was going back downstairs to close the garage door, H said whatever you want to do with the yard, it's YOUR yard. Hearing him say that made me stop a second. I didn't say anything out loud (in my head I was saying don't believe anything they say) and then I continued downstairs.
When I came back up I went about making a salad for lunch. H was throwing something out and said, btw I know your secret. I looked up and laughed and said oh yeah, I have secret? He said yeah, I know how you are getting your butt so little and tight. I just looked at him. He said about the machine I was on at the gym. I said ah, the swishy leg machine (I make up my own words sometimes). He said yeah. I thanked him for noticing. Went about making my salad, sat down at the table to eat. H went back out to the living room, then went downstairs, came back to the kitchen and said he noticed I had been watching Weeds on Netflix, he asked if it was good. I told him yeah, it's hilarious. He said he figured it was good if I keep watching it. Then he got his pizza out of the oven and told me I could have some if I wanted. I thanked him and he went back into the living room.
So he comes back out to the kitchen after a few minutes and tells me he has a funny story to share with me. I said ok, what is it. He said when he got home last night he thought I would be in bed already, and he tried really, really hard to be quiet, but he tripped up the stairs, making a big crashing sound and said, "Fvck!" He said he then waited a minute because he thought I would come out to see what was going on, but then I didn't so he went to his room and realized I wasn't home. I laughed and asked if he was ok. He said yeah, just thought it was funny, then he went back to his room, then downstairs, and then back to the living room.... strange.
As for me, last night my dear friend and I went to the drive in. I didn't get home until almost 3am. I have no idea what time H got home, I'm guessing he was trying to again prove the I can stay out late, I am fun, I can do fun stuff without you, point, but it didn't work cause I wasn't home anyway. I don't know, but thought it was odd he felt compelled to share his "funny story". I'm doing my very best not to do anything that would be considered pursuing or controlling, just minding my own business, doing my own thing, praying for the best.
As far as boundaries go, you have been given good advice. I totally agree with Kaffe, it seems like if you set boundaries the MLCer will see what it takes to cross them, again, our reoccurring theme, control. I guess they feel like they have none, so they try to control everything, I don't know. Case and point, that last talk I was forced into with H, all because I asked for the AC to be turned off.... control. My one boundary, no talks on work nights, well that went out the window because H was on the war path, again control. On the up side with that last talk I said some things I needed him to hear and I think shattered some fantasies he had in his head about how my life would be without him, or how we would be best buddies or something. Who knows, he's crazy right now. LOL You say you've been getting grief from friends, well we all do sometimes, friends or family they don't understand the MLCer either and are not happy that you are hurting, they have good intentions, but ultimately it's your decision, it's their decision to be supportive or not, but you need to do what YOU want to do. Trying to save one's marriage is NOT easy, and is not the norm in our disposable society, but that isn't going to stop me from trying my best to do it. No matter the outcome, I need to be able to look back and say I did everything possible to save my marriage, because I need to be able to sleep at night. I know God has a plan, whether I like it or not, which so far, I have not LOL, but He has a plan none the less.
