i didn't know about co-dependency. and aren't we expected to become emotionally enmeshed in our marriages? isn't that what most people do. are you telling me that most marriages that last, the people are not emotionally enmeshed and at any given time can accept that their marriage is over and simply move on?
Popular culture would have us believe that enmeshment is the goal. It may be the norm, but it's not healthy or functional. Yes, there is interdependence. But, those of us who become emotionally enmeshed don't fare well and neither does the R.
It's my observation that the long term really happily married couples have a secret called detachment. The ability to be loving and kind and close without losing your sense of self and your healthy boundaries (which, as Starsky points out, have to do with our own thoughts and actions, and are not attempts to control the other's behavior).
Absolutely 100% agree with this. ^^^ I'm going thru this with our adult daughters now, who -- unfortunately -- picked up a lot of their unhealthy enmeshment/co-dependency habits from my wife and me.
The whole Jerry McGuire "You complete me" thing is a bunch of b.s., and it's UNHEALTHY. Our spouse cannot be part of our happiness cake. They should only be the frosting.
