If She Won't Stop the Affair?

[mamabird]

Yes, I know she's taking advantage of me. I was all ready to divorce only three weeks ago, but then I backed off. I've been trying to DB since then. RegretfulLA, I'm not sure what you expect me to do. I can't force her to stop the A. If I do that, it pushes her closer to the other man. So, I assume you mean I should separate to force her to come to terms with a life without me.

Won't, I don't expect you to do anything, obviously it's all your choice what you do and don't do.

And yes, you are right, you can't force her to stop the A - and it doesn't look like she's headed in that direction. She is going to do what she is going to do, so you need to DB.

What you CAN do though is not allow her behavior to rule your life. I like to think of myself as standing in the calm eye of the storm - it sounds like she is all over the place right now. I know you are afraid of losing her, but it's not loving yourself to allow her to play the both of you. She is not treating you well. I know this because I did this (on a much smaller scale) to my own H and that is part of the reason why I am here.

Other members have advised you to focus on yourself and your kids, and I agree. The more you do this the stronger you will feel. Yes, you will miss her. Yes, you will hope for an R. You need to do what you feel is right regarding moving out or asking her to leave. That might help clarify/solidify things for both of you. Just because you separate doesn't mean there is no room for R down the road. But YOU may have moved on by the time she decides she is ready.